to be a debeliever in christianity in rome in 1313, to be a debeliever
in capitalism on earth in 2020
to be a human debeliever. no
one else cares about capitalism other than in terms of its genocidal effects on
them
impossible to debelieve. to want then to debelieve. to debelieve in the capacity to debelieve and remain biologically alive. to
detest having to believe. knowing any protests, subversions, heresies, terrorist
acts – however external or internal – are wholly destined to be ineffective at
best and at worst used by capitalism to further itself. so one does the only
thing one can do – one goes on the interior paths. for while no more effective,
while no less usurped for use, at least something
is constructed – however doomed – that says – though in another world – no
the different tactics and strategies for martyrdom, survival,
subversion, play, desire, dream between rome 1313 and earth 2020 debelief
for some time in istanbul i have vivid memories of jerusalem though
i’ve never been and develop a convincing narrative that the cocoa chestnut
merchants of istanbul (they are only chestnut merchants but when chestnuts are
roasted they appear to be coated in chocolate) are from jerusalem and at nights
cross the bosphorus to hang as bats in a cave in kadiköy. while implausible the
story pleases and i spend hours walking developing the lives and troubles of
these misplaced and transmutational peoples and as i pass the chestnut
merchants i smile and though i don’t buy any chestnuts they smile back. we
know, the chestnut merchants and i, their difficult origins and nocturnal
rites. i can’t participate in them, for i haven’t shared in their travails, but
i can ask what’s it like to be a chestnut
merchant? what’s it like to be a memory? what’s it like to be the bosphorus?
what’s it like to be a chestnut? what’s it like to be a ...?
i watch time crawl along
the edge of death without ever falling
in and think – if it were me
there i wouldn’t be so skilled, crawling
i have a date with the sock factory today
the things that people say you cannot do
i don’t think outside the box, i think outside outside
she who saves one life saves the entire world
an istanbul street
cat behind nairobi carpet
import merchants eats
the little black train is coming
travelling alone, unfiltered. to immerse oneself in polydimensional
dream ... to maintain reality as a question, substantives as prepositions, to
place i in the question of eyes, to simulate the mind of rivers, to present
humanity not as gift but mirage, hallucination, plasmatic text
corona adds yet another dimension to the already loaded airport
process. in delhi i present six pieces of documentation to the immigration dood
before i’m let through – including a form validating i’m low corona risk, which
has been stamped by health officials after being processed through an earlier
lengthy line of laser beams being aimed at my head, interrogations (and similar
processes already experienced twice in kathmandu)
what is this, my seventh time in delhi? and the first i’ve arrived when
i don’t hate it. don’t i keep returning, fascinated by my hatred, compelled to
recreate this monster as something i can relate to?