relighting on flor

ive laughed but no one on the screen has laughed  really laughed  until about halfway through this enthusiastically monstrous epic and halfway through the equally mad episode three when casterman  who never laughs  laughs uproariously  alone  in his office of death  over a sleeping brussels  and a bit later our four assassins  who never laugh  after being told to stop the iron jokes by their maybe commander  begin laughing when she herself joins the joke  and then immediately of course the denouement  which of course isnt a denouement  a pseudoconsummation of over five hours of beautiful ridiculousness  as the killers confront their doom

thinking back over the films a little like thinking back over ones life  you cant hold it all at once  not even close  i try to go sequential but this quickly collapses into digressions and questions and capers and i realize the film has done its work  endlessly duplicating lifes endless distractions  as the film does this to life and in itself it also does in us  happily collapsing our solid safeties

it shouldnt work  i keep thinking the first time i watch it  theres no reason for me to be so consistently enthralled  and yet i am   the thing is hokey interminable anarchic  the actresses as assassins are absurd  their killings are painless silent bloodless  their individual stories impossible  beliefs never suspended  the b movie schlockiness of the first episode stretched through the first four in their mammothian twelve hours

if arts supposed to hide artifice la flor fails completely   its artifice is apparent and pervasive  finally bursting exuberantly in the fourth episode as the film itself experiences a mental breakdown just about the time we are and we all enter the asylum together and flap like chickens and take on pantheonic names and conquer like the shadow casanova through collapse

what doesnt la flor explore? it travels prodigiously  not only in time and space but theme and antitheme   it goes into the darkness of the heart and out to the darkness of the night and  as in extraordinary stories  threads of divine comedy and melancholy are always in the weave   so distant  in the screen  here  so close  in our attention

its perfect in its perfect imperfections  in its calm and joyful refusal to provide answers or closure  to even ask questions or tell stories   and yet it tells stories and asks questions and answers and closure are ubiquitous  tumbling over themselves like kittens

its a dance and painting  a song and poem  not a movie   critics cite borges as an obvious inspiration but its more the museum of eternas novel with its infinite prologuings that becomes a novel by not becoming one

llinás says he hates storytelling experts and psychologists  presumably in part because of their need  like so many professionals  to drag art into their domains and thereby possess it  to explain and commoditize and psychologize and clinicize and biographize and formulaicize   but fiction is the very grenade that explodes the oppositions   when 301 and angel are killing across europe and pretending to be in love and in love and not in love and pretending not to be in love  their pretendings more real than many realities  a pretense of course thats already in a pretense  and this nestedness of simulations  already innately a function of film  in la flor becomes an ouroboros of strange and infinite loops  it becomes ourselves

if we set aside the party of the credits  but who could?  the final two episodes seem to slow down  and not just because episode six cant be over that quickly  taking us directly into dreamspace and the rebelswitchesmountiescoquettesmodels transform through their absence in episode five into oneiric meditations of continual gestation and muted freedoms from inexplicable enslavements

what do we say about the four? who are everywhere and nowhere like good gods   havent their manifold identities silenced us through excess? havent their ungraspabilities gifted us with our own facelessness?

episode four is meta? the entire thing is meta

the director disappears  the actresses disappear  time disappears  we disappear

some speak of finding ones voice but whats voice here? who is who? who speaks what? nothings authentic other than the authenticity of play

from vertov and buñuel and deren through schneemann and brakhage and sharits and hundreds of others  actors cinematographers viewers characters  have questioned the usurpation of film by conventional forces  the expected story  and through these questions extended natures most necessary diversities

but here we have la flor  which doesnt technically fall into the experimentalfilm camp  buts more experimental than most experimental films  questioning through forms so entirely new  but entirely old  but entirely new  that its hard to grasp the radicality of whats not being done   of the smirking challenge to the very foundations of art philosophy politics love

the birthymeisters

if i were to reenter the comfified institutionalization of scholardomity ive been advised by team caffeine to get a pee eich dee in the epistomologies of crossspecies communication  which i would as i believe in communication less than god but more than whonymity and one should only specialize in what one doesnt believe

novel died a while ago  did you notice?      the end      probably not  hard to with all the communication going on   but novel like i and plagues and jesus keeps on resurrecting   were birthymeisters   i birthymeister  plague birthymeister  jesus birthymeister  novel birthymeister   one big happy fucking family

i mean  i understand coffee more than i understand whonyms   the grammars of styrofoamish are my kind of grammar and the syntices of catese the syntax of my synapses  i geekily read the dictionary of hericium erinaceus as if it were netflix

writings born from dramatrauma

and writing is a broken promise

and broken promises birth internal traumadramas

circle of strife

novel some say is novel as it maintains distance between itself and life  but i keeps no distance and calls it novel   the i of conventional autobiography is equally the cast of woebegone characters populating sadoo  the coffee im drinkings no different than this paragraph

novel didnt realize it was a novel at first and then it wakes up one day and says everyone elses a novel why cant i be too and gets a genre change because it says ive always been a novel even though i dont look like one and it wonders at fourinthemorning whether writing necessarily turns into novel or whether it always has been one and if in the future its going to turn into a gluegun or an undergrad paper on intersectionality and it says now im novel now im not which means im really a magician and if magicians and novels are the same thing what does that do to time and science and war and love? and nothing sleeps much that night

all my characters are glyphs

my storys an unhinged typography

heresia bitibotom  an illegal employee of Scrubbers International  cleans the filthy toilets of wholesale asparagus buyers at the 29 hectare food terminal in thamog city  and as it sticks its scrubbie in the eternal excrement it thinks dont i contrive a spontaneity which i mistrust but ritually enter to simulate a false identification with the consuming narcissism of the present? and as she says this we realize she shust meet qinci rubatiti in chapter 496209445 though we confuse years and chapters and urination all the time and sadoo stays far away

what can we do about the whonyms who adore all thats new

even when it goes against their deepest convictions

or about the inane herd that sees beauty in something

thats no more than an impassioned call for murder?

book possesses novel and novel i or i book and book book or book word and word void or void i or i i and something  whos sadoos protagonist  says we need more words  more contractions specifically  without that evil stupidity named punctuation   heres a short starter list

novel has opinions   you think it just thinks what its told to think but thats a dead idea   novel blabs eg endlessly to anyone wholl listen about the parallels between the early days of film and the internet and bemoans that as cinematic visionaries opposed the conservative and unimaginative transfer of narrative realism to this radical new medium of film  the first new artform since the gardenofeden  so a lonely few weep over the transfer of society and media from physicality to virtuality   the internets just product identity reputation name sex image confidence will money   whonyms move their shit around and call it progress      how depressing

a central question of novel is which abuse is mine? for were all born into abuse and novelers often have to travel through many different toilets to find their own to devote their lives to exploring that particular smelly plumbing that belongs irrevocably eternally to me

some still say  despite everything  novels more novel the more it reflects life  the more it reminds us of gossip & da nooz  albeit intensifying them   but what is this life reflected? sadoo simulates life too  sure  we can say  in the way we cont say anything  but as life simulated is already a simulation of amalgama of simulations of algae of stimuli and the mirror so broken into uncountable pieces that we now have competing apps that simulate counting them  what is it you say youre seeing? what validates novel as novel? aunty reals more real than real  nosadoo more sadoo than sadoo  noti the i that is ie eyes the is

how do i think of the dead?s a question central to novel but one rarely discussed in sophisticated & polite hypernetworks   for when i wriad the living are the dead and the dead the living  a hairyclitoral inversion  and i must think of you the living ie the dead when i write of the dead ie the living  not in any of those crass ie legal any resemblance is coincidental ways  which are patent lies as everyone knows  not in any of those crassy art draws on life ways  which is grey amateurism  but as those not in my novel  but who might these be? are the dreams of those in  and the evertings too   and the psychology of these relations in the wrader and reiter are what all real novels explore

it will take a long time to be born if it can be born

a fiction so murky

so rich in inaction

its getting dark and cold and rainy and lonely and sad and windy and foggy and sleepy and dark and novel doesnt know what to do

dao de jing 15

of old she who is well versed in the way

is minutely subtle, mysteriously comprehending

and too profound to be known

it's because she can't be known 

that she can only be given a makeshift description

tentative, as if fording a river in winter

hesitant, as if in fear of her neighbours

formal like a guest

falling apart like thawing ice

thick like the uncarved block

vacant like a valley

murky like muddy water

who can be muddy and yet, settling, slowly become limpid?

who can be at rest and yet, stirring, slowly come to life?

she who holds fast to this way desires not to be full

it's because she's not full that she can be worn and yet newly made

dear fifteens,

the one of the way is many, shapeshifters and polynumbers and drainings, remotely solid

in an age of the shiny and new the ones of the way are old and worn, babies of knowing

in the ascendancy of the regulated and defined and the balancing ascendancy of their transgressions morphing far from dictionaries and violation and law

they're like neglected nature, guardians of some vital unacceptability, otiose spirits of fens and ferns, barristers of water and disasters of human recognition, naïve and ironic forms of incomprehension, wandering in the eternal discards and at home in the anarchic orbits of unsigned voids

in relation to society they're unfamiliar formal hesitant weird. almost exiled (except there's no place left to be cast out)

humanity lives far from the river and the valley, often seeking expensive counsel and humiliating chutes to try to escape to the concrete steppes from those nameless darknesses, entering the neon culture of our collective and planet-wrapping desiccated dreams. for the river's stagnant and manic and the valley depressed, and the wayversed ones breaking down and fragments are their name. but one doesn't escape. for we're made of valleys and rivers, regardless of how much we've polluted them, and who can escape oneself?

holding tightly to air and water, desiring eclipsing and outcasting - unclear ragged used partial misunderstood unknown : no adjective one's taught to admire

what does it mean to be well versed in the way? where do i go to school for this? who are the mentors and what the urls that can sell me makeshift descriptions? which books can instruct me and who are the names that can guide the seeking in minute subtlety? what are the techniques for learning to simulate fear of my neighbours and how can i get a masters in the desire to fall apart? when's the optimum time to settle or stir and what the indicators and algorithms to encourage maximum efficient and timely movement between the two? why must i muddy and clarify slowly and cant i go faster and how do i distinguish among murkiness and limpidity? i must download the dao app to make me verse well in the wu wei way and to get sage points for achieving milestones in my mission. to enrol then in an ivy workshop that'll help me understand the matrices and trends and apply them to my life goals and specialties

where's nature in all the fences? where's the way in all the protocol and rites? are the ones hiding, like the animals and god? do they tend a fading distant fire like a character not written into a littered book?

my life hasn't been full, hasn't been empty. i don't know what to write in my biography - what's happened is more of an avoiding, a detouring around, a doubt and dullness, an accumulating silent striving to escape the nightmare of biography and the gaol of genealogy. any résumé i can conjure qualifies me for nothing but an awareness of trees and trees as we know are mean old things  laughing at our callow ways  just sitting back as they are  doing nothing  watching us destroy our home like drugged lunatics

lets imagine a mathematician

lets imagine a mathematician that we construct not from human society according to the present dominant model but words  poets and politicians tortuously create alternative realities from their desires and also shouldnt we  whatever we are  make mathematicians from ours? for arent our desires arithmetic and by entering them and listening to the hidden voices of numbers whisper not the truth but truths of their desires we return to seeking opennesses toward the numbers of which we are comprised and while not ours somehow possess us?

as we manufacture a biography for our odd and even friend we notice its preeminent trait is a kind of nonexistence we find difficult to properly classify  it might have a rare disease maybe even if were fortunate one not yet invented  it might belong to those books about nonbeing in which nonbeing fails  it might have been diagnosed with any of those endless pathologies routinely being created by established experts to justify themselves and suppress spirit   but its not this attribute that primarily interests us  as the crux of a matter is rarely found in preeminence but shades  where few go to escape the glare of names   and so we find our linguistic creature of number lounging under a sycomore tree with a bunch of leadmunching phoebastria immutabilis smoking whatever you wish to put in its mouth and brooding on the personalities of numbers through the poetic functions of their names

its name  though number in its names shifty  might be  

and in its mind strings like lets not attempt to unite with the godhead in the manner of the mystics of old but zero with the zerohead and death toos a number

its devoted a universe of nights to studying the masters of math and knows they cancel one another like a fine equation  for isnt a mathematician like a poet a maker of patterns and isnt mathematics the art of giving the same name to different things while giving different names to the same thing and cant we say as truthfully as truth is said its the science of skillful operations with concepts and rules invented just for the purpose of skillful operations and would we be wrong to postulate it  like any core human quest  is a subject in which we never know what were talking about nor whether what were saying is true and to have faith that the more games we study the better   a subspecialty of fiction  a mythological and social construct  a dispensability and body of falsehoods not talking about anything real   and a mathematician a blind person in a dark room looking for a black cat who isnt there?

our hyperspherical collegiality applies the ancient science of nymhematology to number  the res ors roes ozes and os in zero  that o of no beginning or end at its end curving to meet an end of a beginning  that z  forming an oz  wærloga of empty illusion  thaumaturge of destiny and mind  the one we fear to consult but consult we must in times of greatest duress  for if we neglect this duty it comes unbidden and this unentreated agitation might be history but hardly wisdom

zero exists most fully among the numbers and ones a radiant nothing

it sees the no in one  the ive in five  neins in nines   it bumbles toward the creation of a logic in which two and two make six or nineteen  not in the manner of despots or avatars of dereliction to justify subjugation but for the failure thats a multitude of freedoms

i walk into the valley of number and fear no counting

for thy gaffe and bawd are with me

knowing that two to be two too must be nottwo

and what it is is most explicitly not itself

while what its not manifests infinitely

and 

of inestimable repositories  no compass within bound or far or near  dediagnosed and semelessly vitrescent  trace hieratic hollows in shadowed absences

     

the sadoo metro

heres a map of the sadoo metro whichll help unfamiliar unreaders get around novel

while these maps may appear to be the same to an untrained eye

theyre wholly different in substance and effect

and one who follows two will move in places alien to one who follows one

coming soon to a novel near you

lets imagine a mathematician

dao de jing 15

mystykomydy

relighting on flor

vorts

wrapping up this chapter of visual acuity

unwrapping that chapter of fruits and vegetables

a theology of mathematick

numbers go peculiar in the years after the takings and always they lack the power to get away

its because of the names some say numbers were never designed to be caged in definitions

nine seduces me at the cosine hex club with an unexpected angle and the fictions are complex enough to create imaginary persons arising as structures to perceive realities existing in these abstract entities such that quantity becomes a physical quality of word

as soon as you abduct a number from its natural home  seize it from the intuitive lands  and give it over to graspability  regardless of how comfortable its life might become  its innate vitality diminishes and what you then might see is not anything of the number but your own insecurities

everyone knows the estrangement between theology and mathematics  number and god  mysticism and science  counting and oneiricism  has been growing and is bad for human and planetary health

as the poets say all is war but what they dont tell us is that the only wars between words and numbers  a war neither can win and humans forced to take sides and the pay poor and any promotion is to death  and so humans fight one another on behalf of forces indifferent to them  being used indiscriminately for prelapsarian purposes

pythagoras roaming in the ecstatic geometry of its cultic esotatica knows in its viscera the sanctitude of manifolds and the one thats present in all  not just the many ones but nines and fours and sixes and fractures and even the odd zero in its joyful bashfulness and witty modesty prowling among the conjecturing shapes

that numbers in their potent abstractionality are incapable of or refuse to dialogue easefully with other creatures in the spiritual realms could only be a conviction of the insane

numbers draw me into a dream and i see science leave its lab and go walking into the forest and there loses time and drops its measure

i enter the zeroversity of number and a curriculum garishly poses   patalinguistic theolunacies of number  some phenomenologies of zero  the interpretations of dreams of affine transformations  probabilistic geometries of an absent god  the nonexistence of one  ratio as mind  the middle of number  zeroverses of i  were all uncanny mathematicians   with as much seriousness and credibility as proofs of tessellated fields of the boundedness of optimal differentials by moduli cohomologies in equidistributed perfectoids lacking automorphic normalizations

i approach the notwill of number and in their sleepiness and drunkenness voyeur as they copulate on beds of questions  in their notness slumbering in crises of identity  chatting with them when theyre young and silly and full of possibility  before assuming hard social identities

give a child of a certain age two blocks and ask it how many blocks there are and what will it say? two perhaps  one  even three or nine or zero  it might say blue or silly jammies or monster nothing halafaf   it wouldnt be wrong   the child knows that counting  while existing quite legitimately on rationalitys enclosed steppes  is nomadic  comfortable in many environs and curves  whereas the adult has typically come to know that rational realm as numbers only habitat  its cage of action and determinant of time & destiny

one sun  one moon  one god  one love  one pole  one the  one one

no one on fucking jupiters a monist

the number of memberships in number a number maintains varies according to contextual data no one has full access to

my mathematics is the purest mathematics  far purer than the pure  for it cant be used for anything  even pleasure or beauty  maintaining a radical separation from the human love of destruction

writing number isnt something you can do until you see number strip in a galactic burlesque and laugh alongside its horny wit and ionic vacancies

all numbers  like justice love madness suffering  are uncountable

number a novel writes me and i decount the countings and decant the war

what can i write about?

i cant write about that because im this

cant write about there because im here

cant write about you because im i

cant write about then because im now

cant write about reason because im mad

cant write about magenta because im fuchsia

cant write about fucking because im celibate

cant write about rich because im not

cant write about fungi because im whonym

cant write about i because im noti

cant write about noti because its noti

cant write about god because it doesnt exist

cant write about what i know best because i dont know anything best

cant write about what i know because i dont know if i know anything

cant write about cant write about because i cant write about it

but here i am

doing it

day 48

i find myself in a dark room with a tiny green luminescent dot and a thin large partial rectangular frame of white light behind which i know are a group of the sexually insane   i am shitting but without that great satisfaction of a full void   my cat is near but unwith me

i think selfpreservation while seemingly eminently sensible is a fundamentally idiotic principle by which to live and until whonyms realize this they continue accelerating along a rickety pier toward a precipice of unmitigating horrors

i receive more satisfaction from this thought than my shit and to avoid meeting the group i climb into a bathtub and wash the remaining fecal matter from my asshole  applying soap and fomenting up the hole with my right index finger drawing out some stubborn clods clinging to the hot home of the anal cavity and draining the brown froth down

the members are at different stages of arousal and they differ also in their proficiencies and all these factors comprise sonics that  if one appreciates atonality and disjunction  befit my present rites

the lakes let down like hair and speaks in the tongues of untrained angels and i think nowhere have the sophomores of semaphores been more than halfwise in their fallen dormitories  but i prefer another thought and tell them so and sadly realize resentment is the only omnipresence and war the only god

some heirloom makes me want to join them but a little turdette not quite drained speaks from its selective mutism and makes a case i shouldnt disconsider  i ask it to join forces with me and we briefly form a theatre in the service of the unmentionable

the sexually insane are really going at it now and i want to leave the dark room with the little lights and the talking scat and the memory of a disappointing void but fear the heaps of meat i must negotiate   i want to see the cat who blinks at me and whose desire to join with the lake stands between us inhibiting our intimacy

a plane passes over full of hacking whonyms on its way to a sterilized morgue and i know im accused of the abominable and the limbs outside drag me into their unspeakable orgies and ill not find myself again

the destinies of humans and images are parallel

imagination abducted me in normalstorg when i was two  as language enters  and being held captive all these decades has made me love and justify its tyrannies

should the human heart be taken seriously? if the myriad battling peoples agree on anything its yes! from musicians to entrepreneurs to correctionofficers to legalassistants to members of the angolafarm gatedcommunity   but a few of times deranged dingleberries are uncertain  chang doos uncertain  doo takes it seriously to the extent it acknowledges its there  like artichokes or spaceheaters or confinement or flatology  but everythings there  or here  hard to say exactly  but another way to state the question is  how wittys the abyss? what are the masks it wears over its wit? what are the passwords to access the wit? how seriously should that access be taken and how the passwords distributed?

going against the advice of almost all the inside voices i go to an official centre for the clinical diagnosis by the normals of a notnormal and after waiting for seven hours and paying nineteen hundred dollars and being prodded by pokers and sceptres which jab out of very white walls and filling out 316 pages of forms and questionnaires and providing two litres of blood and having my fingerprints taken and my retinæ scanned i receive an output that lists my illnesses as

palilalia

graphorrhea

phonological disorder

paragraphia

schizophasia

unspecified communication disorder

dyscalculia

pervasive developmental disorder

logorrhea

paraphasia

apraxia dysprosody

phonemic collapse disorder

mixed expressive receptive language disorder

semantic pragmatic disorder

hyperlexia

para supraalexithymia

pancluttering

unspecified disorders

dysgraphia

anomicaphasia

specific language impairment

general language disorder

it says page one of twentytwo but the other twentyone pages dont show and i ask for twentyonetwentytwoth of my money and time back but a hyperroomba sucks me up and spits me out giving thanks profusely and sodomizes me with an attachment

the novel i step in is not the novel i stand in

primitive  weird  odd  even  semiperfect  perfect  abundant  quasiperfect  friendly  deficient  composite  highlyabundant  superabundant  highlycomposite  superiorhighlycomposite  excessive  natural  untouchable  amicable  sociable  lychrel  cardinal  ordinal  nominal  whole  rational  complex  real  prime  positive  negative  abstract  linguistic  naïve  seed  kin  palindromic  rational  complex  hypercomplex  irrational  transcendental  constructible  algebraic  computable  recursive  transfinite  hyperreal  infinite  finite  aleph  beth  concrete  imaginary  superreal  surreal  infinitesimal  deterministic  noncomputable  nominal  counting  complete  spherical  topological  fuliginous  random  cyclical  projective  definable  delusional  principal  perpendicular  unified  robust  collapsed  smooth  inverted

dear mathematics   oh greatest unity of reality and abstraction  oh apparent order and film of logic  oh complexified accumulation and mystifying gargantuanity  oh conjectures of amphetamines   we in novel seek  through arcane voids  to emulate your pancosmic attributes and  like labourers in judge holdens epilogue  implement also holes in the infinite desert of holes for yea we ourselves are deserts and made of holes and in nothing we in novel and you are one

the story of the plasmatic cat and the savage cat

the story of the plasmatic cat

and the savage cat

to tell to your parents as you tuck them into bed tonight

once upon a time in a world without clocks and in an age where space enfolds into itself in such a way dimensionality itself becomes animate there live two cats   any notion of pastness or futureness  of time as money  seems to  eluding world  construe them even in its shoutings

the two cats being cats have a pact and this pact is to see which cat can make the other one suicide first   they have developed this agreement in the cesspit of love from which all contracts flow  theyve developed it silently and stealthily  between the meows  but its understood more rigorously than anything theyve meowed   for arent dear parents the things you dont say of far more import than whats said

yet being cats of different constitution their methods to achieve their common goal differ  the savage cat eg tends to rely on its genetous access to the darkest feline spaces of indifference  ground to clawed perfection in the first swirls of the cosmos  a honed strategic and tactical unity of claw and will   the plasmatic cat on the other paw has to rely on disunity  a kind of energy of fragmentation and diffusion  a pervasive sense of nonexistence and immateriality  a charge not of claws and teeth but spider slender strips drifting and stochastic  of one could hardly call it light but darkness somehow visible against masquerades of darkness  a parade of nothing for nothing

as the jurisprudence of cats is unique to themselves and hardly understood among whonyms  whether scientists or those socalled lovers of cats among whonymity who if they knew the souls of what they loved would never recover from the news   so their means of satisfying their law bypasses human comprehensibility

woe to you parents then who participate in the gross deceptions of belief in whonym knowledge  for what it is if you could see is less than a microscopic speck on a barely discernible seed in the gut of a bug in the mouthparts of an odonata in the throat of a hobby in the talons of a bubo virginianus dismembered in the nest of an aquila chrysaetos in the gi tract of a dead ursine in a distant boreal on a little blue planet in a minor solar system in a lesser galaxy in a moderate cluster in an anonymous universe in infinitely nested cosmoi in an empty mind

as all games have as their central strategy a perspicacity of weakness and its this difficult wisdom humans train for and cats dont need to  sav & plaz  lets call them this  are genetically evenly matched  neither needs to think other than that thinking that bacteria does for us

but as each discovers and attacks  bringing the other toward death but not into it  but in looking at death and so seeing weakness  each incorporates the newly visible into itself  inviting the other to manifest new mortal simulations

so this game of death only serves to make suicide a game  and the cats though they die do not  from the love of game and the necessity of transformation

and this dear parents is the play between you and us

and with this knowledge dream and sleep

and the children of the world shall live

and they tuck their parents in and kiss them nightynight

and give them their worn stuffed animal called nooz and turn off the light

novel before the courts

heres the beginning of my novel  it begins the moment the identity of is forsaken and its passport revoked and its dropped into the dezoned lands

i finds itself in a court  not any supreme court for no courts supreme and all courts fallen  and the judges  for all are judges  this day  are giacoma likelike ugo clarissa kandake somayajña boucher boni kai

our stenographer todays avianus

i maintains its own records

i you understand youve wandered in here today to be accused of leaving reality

is i not there now?

what have you done for humanity?

is tried to inflict it as little as possible with itself   i confesses to not doing this well in the earlier parts of life due to inexperience and not yet having come to terms with the delusion that humanity could be constructively affected and that i could be involved with any agency that might alter that delusion  but  to its credit or not  is learned a little perhaps and now i tries just to inflict itself on itself  which admittedly is still technically inflicting humanity but it hopes that in limiting the scope of its effects  or rather i shouldnt say hope for its experience of hope is that

regardless  finding yourself however inexplicably in life  you have obligations  do you think we in this court today arent afflicted by ambivalence also?

les fleurs du malheur have many species  shall we not in the name of diversity nurture them all?

shouldnt we then by this principle also nurture murderers and rapists?

but we do and its because we do and its disacknowledged yet built into the smiling and professional functions of society that i withdraws

yet yours is not the common interpretation

it is far moreso among poets whom you praise only in autopsy but attempt to eradicate in practice and this court is evidence of your attempts which follow the now exhausted script of force violence sanitization

please present your documentation that permits you to leave

i has only i

whos enrolled you in the ranks of dissidents and lunatics?

no one   whos enrolled me in the ranks of the human race?

youre guilty simply by means of your being an outsider and not caring and not subjecting yourself to our means  this has always been the rule below and in the countless other rules  the one for which there cant be flexibility if societys to flourish   you know enough to know such sacrifices are meaningless

i cant sit among the commons  i laughs because the seats dont fit and this causes offense as the people dont understand the laughter and feel its against them though its really just about the nature of the fittings and trying to explain generates more offense and as offense isnt the intent and simply wastes everyones time i leaves and goes to the place of idiots and there finds the seats suit and though there may not be more understanding at least there are many babbling and laughing about the fittings

fine but your world has no ground and this is why youre before the court

is before the court because is before the court   your world equally but differently has no ground for what you call time or history has been devoted to severing whatever ground exists and in this growing severing is also a migration from reality   youre as culpable as we and the energy created from not assuming that culpability but building its denial into the fabric of what you call reality you use as a force or law for the present  for whats presently taking place and is routinely applied  both in the dominions of official force and in the infinite rooms and hallways of socially sanctioned extirpation  against whatever meat you require to otherize and subjugate

thats enough i  the articulation of such thoughts belongs in the academy where it can be effectively controlled and ignored  and art  where it can be suppressed or sanitized  take it away

and im returned to the place of idiots which is the novel

and here i is and this is the beginning