deranged tales from a sadoo stoodio

 

galadap gets the job

galadap and mamare sitting in the talkatorium discussing whether to hire an ornamental hermit   mamas recently returned from the endives where she was fishing for the fossilized souls of sixth century apophatics and the trip was a stunning success and mamas in a rare great mood  capable of conversation and undistracted by the invisibles and the principles and governance of the amusement parks of milith and lephistopheles 

which lawn though do you think it should inhabit   cowchim suggests the northwestnorth  queermendungjia suggests the northnorthwest  wangsiri suggests the westnorthnorth  tubeetu suggests the westwestnorth         

eastnortheast

but nothing suggests the eastnortheast

ım suggesting its suggestion being suggested in the lack of suggestings

a kind of apomancy   hm

brumy could apply

brumyll scare our intruders

they cant see it

you think brumys your imaginary friend but thats imaginary   brumys as real as bernardine soares

weve had this debate before

well ive got some conjunctio to attend to   ill leave things in your capable hands

do you want to at least interview the shortlist

ill just get rid of them if i dont like them

and mamas off like a zome or a fluffiness or a gravid fomentress or a braigetoír or a bewrayed pergola or the hegassen at a harrying frolic

wanted

ornamental hermıt

at the house of mama

eastnortheast lawn access only

room and herbs and potions

random stipends possible for sundry services

must have a minimum of three centuries experience in uselessness and absurdity

unparalleled intelligence creativity wit vitality and scatological prowess required

other than this house of mamas an equal oppootunity employer

and doesnt distinguish based on sex gender religion race ethnicity class age sanity ability langwich species aesthetics sentience politics physicality or existence but only on criteria unnameable unconscious subjective unknowable

galadap likes the ad so much

she decides to apply herself 

dear esteemed outcats at the house of mama

ım an outcat of outcats and ı do dada like mama   ım funnier than the nınth and thırteenth century combined and ım so past intelligence its forgotten it exists   ı shit 81 times a day and each is a delırıous perfectıon that seızes the apple of clarıty and floods the world with the snobbıshness of madness   we are the creators of the cosmoses behind ın above and below the cosmos and the ıncarnate dream of energy that turns the numinous into unconcerned anarchıc grounds of deluging eyes   ı am the polyprefixes of all substantives   they are the omnisuffixes of all copulatives   we are the panaffixes of the destruction of grammar syntax meaning and langwıch

yours sincerely

galadap

she gets an interview and decides to wear the chromatic liquid buffoonery she picked up in pondicherry during an archaic monsoon

lovely outfit says galadap as galadap enters the interviewatoria

why thanks so much says galadap my dıno picked it out for me

oh you have a dıno exclaims galadap scribbling in her notebook furiously

ı think every selfrespecting ornamental hermıt should

are you selfrespecting though

to the extent respects a function of spectacular yes

and to the extent its not

ah theres the grub

havent washed my hair in months

no behind you walking by the window

theyre everywhere   lets say youre doing your ornamental hermıt thing in the eastnortheast and twentytwo grubs descend from an afflıction   tell us about a time you havent   what are your three greatest devıancıes   give us an example of how you dont do anything   describe how youve maliciously and gleefully destroyed a team   if you disagree with someone what kind of shıt do you annihilate them with and in what manner

ıd apply the golden ratıo but not the golden rule  divide the grubs by seven golden pottos extracted from some golden maidenhair  subtract a goldeneye pıe  and eat the remainder with some golden handcuffs

when we fıre you how will you respond

ı have a sauce for that

and galadap and galadap gab it up in the interviewatoria until they smell mama on the eleventh floor and absquatulate to the absurdatory