The Romans plundered everything within the distance a horse could ride in a month from their corrupt center. This includes maidens, boys, asses whole or partial, technical knowledge, gods, dogs, frogs, metaphysical systems, loyalties of every imaginable description, sprats, French buttercups, exciting new strains of genital warts, and obelisks. One particular obelisk, The Envy of Cleopatra, while being transported from Alexandria to Rome on June 13 70 B.C.E., toppled into the half-completed Aventicum aqueduct during a spontaneous orgy involving the slaves and centurions moving the Envy and the reeking swarthy topless aquatic engineers, killing hundreds moving to and fro in the ancient mindless act and instantly transforming la petite mort to la grande. From the resultant fomentation a boy was born and his name was Marcus V. Pollio and he was a saint.
A good writer, a skilful draftsman, versed in geometry and optics, expert at figures, acquainted with history, informed on the principles of natural and moral philosophy, somewhat of a musician, not ignorant of the sciences both of law and physic, nor of the motions, laws, and relations to each other, of the heavenly bodies, his god-like mind and genius incarnated dominion, utility and beauty and laid the verbal foundation for all that we now live within. Poor but honest, putting off ordinary clothing and walking with a wreath of poplar on his head, a lion's skin slung across his left shoulder, and a large club in his right hand, he sallied forth to Caesar to prove that architects were more worthy than wrestlers, artists than aristocrats. He codified an artform and dressed the world in noble precepts.
Wrinkled with age and constitutionally sick, his form the antithesis of the forms he advocated, Augustus, two years after attaining divinity, specifically on December 27, called St. Marcus V. Pollio to him and had him burnt and his ashes cast on the Horologion of Andronicos, where one can hear them expounding on the principles of firmness, commodity and delight when the sun has entered the sign of Aries, and run through about an eighth part of it.
The Council of I elevated him to sainthood on September 11 1345. Let us honor the saint today with our souls and flesh.
