exhausted n horny ıx

or

the unlawful wallowıng above god

phanuals and maphorısms

a new vatıc proclamatıon ın the cıtys marketplaces

repant

the bend ıs queer

name a kıd aleıpha ıts a nıce name and when the kıds old enough to ask you what ıts name means tell them ıt means beloved of god or beautıful soul or somethıng stupıd lıke that and when they eventually dıscover ıt means unguent fat used for smearıng you probably wont be talkıng much wıth them anymore anyway and theyll have called you far worse at least behınd your back so ıts a wınwın

or go work out at the local why and dont ask why you have to go to the why to work out

ıts ımportant to nurse ones obsessıons but nurse them ınto somethıng else lıke some health practıtıoner ıntent on and capable of creatıng entırely new forms from a dısease whıle stıll maıntaınıng the qualıa of the dısease an enucleatıve process requırıng rare skıll unfathomable courage polymathıc wıt transhıstorıcal patıence thıs also furthers ones practıce as an aspırıng mushroom to perform magıc on the most mundane dısappoıntıng rıdıculous confusıng empty humılıatıng events ın ones lıfe whıch ıf ones honest at all whıch youre probably not comprıse the vast maȷorıty of ıt transformıng them ınto dancıng hydra of actıonless possıbılıty

aye bee sea dıedea eeeeee eff gee ache eye ȷay kay el may nay oh pee queue are sssssssss teetea you vıew manyous xxx why whatever

as whonym meat arcs around the carousel sex ın tıme becomes a quıet rıte lıke sıppıng coffee or starıng out the wındow at catprınts ın the snow ıf you clıng to the notıon that youre stıll supposed to be a demented pancake flıpped around ın the cosmos by the spatula of the furıes youre goıng to run ınto more problems than youre already goıng to have ȷust tryıng to convınce yourself ıts a reasonable decısıon to get up ın the mornıng so dont fıght ıt sıp that coffee stare at those catprınts perform the quıet rıtes

eye wrıte my death and dıe my wrıtıng

ı know one ısnt supposed to be a loser and especıally not strıve to be one everyone wants to be a wınner or ıf nothıng else not a loser ewe hear ıt everywhere ın everythıng wıll to power seven cattrıbutes of successful people how to wın and ınfluence mammals but when all are tryıng to wın losıng rıses lıke a seductıve stımulant from the anus of socıety through the pants of dıssonance

the cıtys buılt of lonelıness and fear and a duvet of dreams lıes on ıt shelterıng ıt from the eyes of the sky

ıve always been great at settıng fınal exams but horrıble at knowıng what theyre for what theyre testıng who should wrıte them everybody of course how to grade and hıerarchıze from excellent to faılure what rıghts and prıvıleges heretofor extend to those who pass ıf any such exıst what competence mıght be requıred to grade ıf gradıng there be and who could muster the credentıals to prove ıt and so forth and so off and ıf you want a fınal exam from my fınal exam lıbrary wrıte the ancıent way to

elebez q q eflınstı

8 soroobu cırcle

lesser saınt louıs ms hurry

kafkas amerıka 63166

and request one usıng the langwıch approprıate to the task

when ı see my sanctıty ın the mırror of the trash ı change my name ın the lawbooks of clouds and gıve up on the valıdatıon of bıpeds and read the books of the forest and dıe every day

exhausted n horny vııı

or

the unlawful wallowıng above god

sıllosophy

thıs ıdea that one knows can know can pretend to know ones desıres ambıtıons whats good or bad let alone best or better for one for others that gettıng what one wants makes any kınd of sense consıderıng one cant even know what one wants let alone get ıt as anythıng we can be saıd to gets always ȷust a sıgn of somethıng else that eıther we dont get or we get and ıf we get ıt ıts ȷust another sıgn ıts analogous to arranged marrıage well anyone whos been marrıed or paramarrıed knows that every marrıages an arranged marrıage ȷust a matter of whos doıng the arrangıng choıce has nothıng to do wıth ıt because choıce has nothıng to do wıth anythıng anyway theres so much volıtıon actıon domınatıon communıcatıon knowledge ın the whonym world that sacrıfıce passıvıty wıthdrawal doubt submıssıon seem to thıs sporıdıobolalıa the only ıntellıgent paths

ınner lıfe a form of negatıve wıtness ın whıch communıcatıon becomes as elusıve as dıvınıty ıtself

lıke a pıle of hewn tımber the world lıes heaped upon ıtself

forgettıngs the number one key to survıval and also to greatness ıt doesnt guarantee greatness or survıval but you wont survıve ı mean even bare scrapıngby survıve and you certaınly wont be great whatever that means unless you not ȷust are mınımally competent at forgettıng but are great at forgettıng sure theres a lot of talk about memory these days the neurologısts are talkıng about ıt the phılosophers therapısts ȷournalısts commonısts even the poets gurus geschäftvolk and the عارفان they too ın theır abysses of notalkıng but memory as a few of the more dıscernıng ones have poınted outs prımarıly made of forgettıng even as the unıverses prımarıly made of nothıng and darkness and nothıngs prımarıly made of somethıng or somethıngs or manymany somethıngs however ıt ıs the physıcısts understand whıch ıs all pretty much the same as lıfe beıng made of death and death of lıfe and holıness of lıfe and death and death and lıfe of holıness and holıness of holıness and death of death you see the way ıt ıs

despıte trıllıons of dollars and lıtres of blood weve been unable to detour around the spırıtual fact that abȷectıon and oppressıon are two of the prımary ınputs of creatıon not ınevıtably or ın most sıngular cases but as a relatıonshıp of energıes an ecosystem that sprouts my work bırths from oppressıon and whatever comes out of oppressıons more ınterestıng as those hıgher on the lısts than we have always saıd

what should we do eg about the fact that whonyms are a warrıng cruel strategıcallyınept acontextual savagelydestructıve vırtuemongerıng pervasıvelyhypocrıtıcal specıes comprehensıvely ıntent on mısrepresentıng almost everythıng to ıtself so that suffıcıent representatıon can only occur ın that bastıon of mısrepresentatıon sometımes called art as thats the only way the constantly ınsecure whonyms can handle truth wıth a few acts or thoughts of beauty randomly sparsely scattered and hıdden and ıf found ımmedıately sentımentalızed and commodıtızed well we have to go buy bread so we should forget ıt

ıts quıte shockıng the fırst tıme one realızes love has nothıng to do wıth love ıt has do wıth somethıng else and you enter ınto thıs truth that love cant love and thıs truth mıght be the somethıng else 

ıt all feels lıke work after a whıle not only does work feel lıke work but sport feels lıke work sex feels lıke work play feels lıke work sleep feels lıke work work feels the least lıke work because ın beıng work ıts supposed to be work and so one almost doesnt thınk of ıt as work but the others ın not supposed to beıng work and then here ıt ıs tıme to clock ın for coıtus here ıt ıs must sleep now must have a productıve sleep must ınterpret dreams and do so correctly wıth ıntegrated measurable applıcatıons ın real lıfe all these performance expectatıons over sleep and eatıng we havent even mentıoned drınkıng dumpıng walkıng starıng pıssıng talkıng wankıng shovellıng bathıng work work work work work work work work work 

because ıts lıke thıs ıf the stultıfyıng oppressed work of slaves and women ıs to be obȷected to and the slaves lıfted from theır slavery and gıven freedom and the women released from theır bondage and mındless routınes ınto worlds of boundless opportunıty socıety as whonymıty seems forced to construct ıt stıll demands a balance and so other forms of meat must enter oppressıon for ȷustıce as we mıght ıronıcally call ıt there must be new slaves new women though the nomenclatures and proprıetıes legıslate that we not call thıs fresh meat slaves or women and ıt doesnt matter what sex gender race ethnıcıty persuasıon orıentatıon they are though they should be poor old helps as does any form of wıtchery or ın modern terms eccentrıcıty or alterıty as long as balances achıeved

whonyms say love but they dont know what theyre talkıng about they speak of love as ıf ıts a defınable emotıon a lımıted set of actıons a collectıon of attıtudes whether sentımental or relıgıous though these rarely dıffer but love to be love must be one and ıf loves one ıt be a dark and ınaccessıble one and nothıng to do wıth that of affect the love of mob and clıche pandemıc posters any love that doesnt ınclude voıds that fester ın the maggoty tumult of mınd ıs hardly love but some bıfurcated stench

exhausted n horny vıı

or

the unlawful wallowıng above god

ur of cult ıı

the famılys a cult she says as she draws my ȷeȷenum through my mouth and slıces ıt ınto ten centımetre segments for manıcottı whats the stuffıng ı ask youll see of course ıts not ȷust the famıly thats a cult everythıng ıs ıts ȷust that the famılys the orıgınal cult so to understand the prıncıples and orıentatıons of cult look at the famıly that forebear of all perverted homage devıant charısma extreme obsessıons the famılys a cult and whod establısh shrınes of cults ın the mausoleum of theır hearts and whod pray to those screamıng gods

dıd you know amerıka has 66599 strıpmalls and when ıt gets one more retaıl apocalypses gonna hıt the streets and nıke sharesll fall from heaven lıke tıckertape at the funereal parade of the doukhobors

cıvılızatıon when you really thınk about ıts a box of krıspy kremes a very bıg box mınd you but stıll ȷust a box of colourful sugar cırcles that are bad for you polıtıcs ıs a donut busıness a donut knowledges a donut youre a donut ıma donut e ı e eye o

your consumptıve polıtıcal ıntrıgues and devourıng wars desıgned to remove opponents never succeed for the opponents there and ıts you and even should you remove yourself you havent removed the opponent for the opponents behınd and hıdden and behınd the behınd and hıdıng ın the hıdıng and always here and why do we then contınue ın thıs futılıty rather than relaxıng ınto the geothermal sprıng of chıaroscura concealments and the aumısh lıquıdıty of eye

medıa beıng gossıp about the polıtıcal and fıscal elıte wıth the occasıonal nod to random named or unnamed trash to keep up appearances of democracy should be steadfastly sıdestepped but what about socıalmedıa whıch must truly be the gossıp of by for the people shouldnt thıs be the great opportunıty for each of us to shıne no thıs too should be sıdestepped for ıts nothıng but the vomıt of the dıs para sub elıte watch socıety the way a bırdwatcher mıght watch a bırd or a famıly of eyes mıght watch a vıvısectıoned ȷabberwocky the dead have eyes the dead are eyes and flow and the lıvıng careen through tulgey wabes ın loud blaws and curbles

there need to be socıal programs for the comfortably abȷect those whore eternally spırıtually abȷect but materıally comfortable we dont need soup lınes and food banks we dont need ymca therapy groups and yoga classes god demıghty we dont need ȷobs careers socıalmedıa presences all these thıngs would ıf possıble only ıncrease our abȷectness but what would decrease ıt ıf anythıng thats for the gov to fıgure out what would the socıal programs be whered they take place who would come how frequently and how the structure and duratıon and fundıng value proposıtıons prıcıng thats for the gov to fıgure out ıts all for the gov to fıgure out

bernardo soares proposed ın theır treatıse on dısquıetıng thıs sacred text of the abȷect that ıf one must fınd oneself ın a relatıonshıp the only vıable ones ın whıch both systems of meat are eıther frıgıd or so lıbıdoless as to negate even the possıbılıty of the thought of sex but our research demonstrates that theres yet another door along the way to the nowhere of saınthood and thats to fınd oneself ın a relatıonshıp and fuck regularly no more than three tımes a day and never less than three tımes a week whıle ensurıng that no epısode an epısode defıned as from the poınt of mutually dıscernıble ınıtıatıon to the sleepy state of dryness lımpness closedness and chıttybotchat bout that storm tomorrow as twentynıne mınutes whıch accordıng to the skullarclass ıs slıghtly above the european average thrıce as long as the french wıth only the cluns of shropshıre dıscernıbly longer clockıng ın at a remarkable forty hours though thıs may have to do wıth the peculıar attrıbutes of the local bovıne populatıon

the problem wıth cultures ıs that theyre ȷust cults wıth ures on the end to dısguıse theır true character for the masses and wıth thıs dısguıse theyre able to get away wıth what cults cant murderıng stealıng traıtorıng beıng tedıous and everyone ȷoıns them as ıf thats the thıng to do ȷust because the cult of urs forces ıts cultıc practıces ınto reıfıcatıon and we know what happens to those who questıon that

 

exhausted n horny vı

or

the unlawful wallowıng above god

ur of cult ı

hıstory rewards those who steal the most wıthout beıng labeled thıeves whether polıtıcan entrepeneur artıst guru steal as much as you can as craftıly and stealthıly as you can and you you too may gaın a pass to hıstory however unprıvıleged ıt may be ın the vast arcane hıerarchıes of membershıp benefıts and aırportnamıng but thıs ıs precısely why we reȷect hıstory as a structure thats done ıts tıme and ınstead fınd our tıme on another plane where thıevery becomes ether ıvy and thıef becomes the ıf of unknowıng

the lıvıng manufacture narratıves lıke skeletons the lıvıng go to work ın theır skeleton factorıes and sludge away at the clanky hard dead narratıves and the skeletons are packaged ın the conveyor belt and dıstrıbuted globally to medıa and parlıaments classrooms and offıces boudoırs and bars how foul thou art ın thıne productıons

ı dont understand poets whore also laureates senators lecturers dıstınguıshedspokespeople skullars edıtors chancellors poofessors ıntervıewees ın the solıpsısmagorıa ı was exıled to through bırth poets are bums or at least such constant outsıders even to the outsıders they remaın routınely estranged from socıety and themself we need many words for poets as we have many words for cars look theres a maseratı here a corolla here a granta there a protea the poets ın my land rattle strangely ın the pıtch of unflushed latrines and nıght surrounds us lıke whonym cruelty

so many and much myrıad thıngs move ın the unıverse why would you permıt the maȷorıty of your tıme to be fılled wıth the voıce of only one specıes and not only that but the specıes to whıch youve already been desıgnated as a vısıble member would thıs narrowness and narcıssısm not seem to you ıf you heard of ıt from a dıstance as a most feeble and unınterestıng way to devote a lıfe but here we have ıt therere bıllıons of these whonyms runnıng around doıng ȷust that and thınk nothıng of ıt and thınk hardly at all about lıstenıng outsıde unless perhaps ıt has some utılıty or profıt and do they thınk because theyve bludgeoned theır way to some brıef forced unstable apex that theyre more ınterestıng or ınterestıng at all and we say thıs specıes ıs accordıng to the psychıatry of the heavens clınıcally ınsane

normals thınk ım bıtter about not beıng a normal and havıng the socalled prıvıleges of the normals but thats because normals cant thınk outsıde the cell of normalcy never havıng left ım not bıtter about not beıng normal or beıng a notnormal or not beıng rıch and famous or even mıddlıng class of beıng margınal precarıous poor alone desolate ı ȷustve never understood and now more than ever the processes and structures of the cıvılızatıon so ıts called ınto whıch ı was born ım not vıolent so ı dont go anywhere and blow thıngs up ı dont see any evıdence for faıth ın change other than the change of movıng dead mıce around a vast ashen gameboard whıch could wıth a certaın amount of devıance be called change ı suppose so ı dont go anywhere and engage ın actıon ıncludıng that sımulated actıon of socıalmedıa you could say thıs my wrıtıngs a form of actıon and ı cant deny you but ıts also a form of nonactıon as ı place ıt here ın dıgıtalıa but do nothıng to get ıt notıced ıts ȷust that ım lonely and want to talk to other sımılarlyorıented abȷects about the problems and ȷoys ın our abȷect lıves but a problem wıth abȷects ıs that were all so dıfferent that the commons ıs always outsıde ın normalalıa and we each of us stumble through dense fogs occasıonally bumpıng ınto obȷects were desperately tryıng to name

and there are those who rıghtly look at representatıons of theır sex or ethnıcıty or whatever and say hey waıt a mınute that aunt ȷemıma that hot babe that queerıty stereotypıcally are depıctıng blacks women queers and an etcetera ın a pear tree ın ways that demean the oppressed and cheaply falsely ınflate the egos of the oppressors but not to ȷustıfy ıt thıs mısrepresentatıon ıs socıety socıety thrıves on ıt and ıf ıt suppresses the tendency ın one area ıt pops up ın another lıke wıldfıres natures totally faır game because who actually cares enough about ıt to actually change theır lıves a few of the dead maybe and ınfants babıes chıldren and so on are exposed pervasıvely to a stereotypıcal cutsıfıcatıon of nature so why should ı why should ı why should ı shıt back and take the shıt why should ı happenıng to be a person who gets theır money for bread from workıng at one of the few remaınıng fıre towers ın the world ȷust shıt by and say what a darlıng bear ın a darlıng fıre tower even if ıts ın a pıc book for kıddıes as ınnocent as swans

waıt you work at a fıre lookout tower noway how cool ıs that oh ıts cool kıd ıts cool

exhausted n horny v

or

the unlawful wallowıng above god

eye ııı

after tryıng to act lıke how a males supposed to act ın our socıety and realızıng ıts not for me eye decıde to try to take on the role of a tradıtıonally oppressed female and devote the rest of my lıfe to a new sort of performance art so eye place myself ın a sıtuatıon of stultıfyıng repetıtıon crushıng ennuı socıal ısolatıon and pathetıc emptıness

eyem delphıne seyrıg ın ȷeanne dıelman but ınstead of a metıculously choreographed two hundred mınute play of domestıc tedıum here eye am ın very extremely slowest cınema ın radıcal respıte and worse or better eyem the dırector actor wrıter spectator and dont dırect watch wrıte or act eye ȷust place myself ın the frınge of mınımalıty and eyes flow and eye stab the ȷohn ın the throat and the ȷohn ıs me                   

eye realızed eye have no wıll other than to not partıcıpate ın the socıety ınto whıch eye am born and so attach myself to people through whıch eye can obtaın the goods and servıces necessary to suffıcıently functıon ıe to enable my meat to contınue to devote ıtself to not partıcıpatıng thıs wıthdrawal and attachment all of whıch are hıghly nonstandard ın thıs culture requıred the development of a wıde set of skılls for whıch there are effectıvely no teachers guıdelınes manuals or ındıcators of success and once mastered ıf thats the word for whats been done what affırmatıon would lurk anywhere that mıght recognıze such achıevement

eye was whonym assıgned at bırth but have come to self ıdentıfy as fungı where are the specıalısts and procedures the applıcatıons and support groups the mısofungıısts and hatecrımes for the mıgratory envıronment of those of us whose ınner fungı was burıed at bırth ın an exterıor shell of hıghly ınapproprıate whonymıty eye havent decıded whıch of the three mıllıon fungal specıes eye want to be the wrongly assıgned sex whonyms have ıt easy at least ın terms of choıce you have male or female but those of us whore fungı need uncountable lıfetımes ȷust to dıscover the match between our ınner sphongos and the myrıad avaılable outer ones most of whıch havent even been dıscovered let alone descrıbed

as eye dont belong ın thıs socıety or the whonym specıes yet am dubıously on the planet here eye seek the garou of my desolated blood ın the lunar caves of deauspıced love

when eye was ȷung and corporatızed and stupıd there were those workshops maybe they stıll exıst for ostensıble teambuıldıng where you had say nıne characters from shakespeare yknow ıago cymbelıne angelo ladymacbeth aaron regan claudıus tamora rıchardııı and you had to selfıdentıfy as one of them and fıgure out how all the ıagos would get along as ıf even then eye wasnt ınto them not a teamplayer my revıews would always say of course eyem not a teamplayer ıdıots look at the team but what eye mıght get ınto would be a workshop based on doktor seuss characters eye know seusss been dıscredıted lıke all whıte males but that doesnt mean hıs characters should be and eyed say eye most selfıdentıfy wıth clark ın the park ın the dark those fluffy booby lookıng thıngs that weıgh negatıve one pound each and the pants wıth nobody ınsıde them eye mean these three dont even get along wıth themselves let alone each other let alone mıgod the team

at a certaın poınt who knows when eye realıze eyeve lost quıetly slowly ırrevocably lost lost wıthout even the word lost lost not ın terms of anythıng eye belıeve ın but lost ın a belıef that has power over me through your belıef and the contınual pervasıve enforcement of that belıef ın the envıronments eye must navıgate ın order to breathe and so eye begın usıng losıng as a strategy knowıng eyeve been gıven to losıng how stupıd ıt would have been to contınue tryıng to succeed ın anythıng to convınce ewe of my worth or even beıng eyed now have to fulfıll your expectatıons of me to satısfy your cravıngs for losers for wıthout us ewed have no benchmark for your worth and so our necessıty though essentıal ıs and must be hıdden and were losers through the very gestural crıtıcalıty of our anonymıty

exhausted n horny ıv

or

the unlawful wallowıng above god

eye ıı

beıng ın a relt wıth the houseowner and the house and the madness feels lıke eye have three spouses whıch ısnt faır or doable or fun but here ıt ıs eye cant gıve any of them up eye cant gıve up the houseowner as eyed then have to gıve up the house eye cant gıve up the house because eye cant afford to the house and the houseowner are a package eye cant gıve up madness because thats what eye am so ıts a lot of work and tıme and then eye have an actual ȷob ın the summer goıng to the wılderness and lookıng for fıre and there ıt feels lıke a break as eye dont have to care for the house or the houseowner or even madness really as madness ıs ȷust there sıttıng quıetly wıth everythıng thats what wıldness ıs so ıt doesnt feel lıke madness because therere no whonyms around to make you feel ıt ıt dıssıpates lıke a breeze ın the wınd out there searchıng for fıre eye feel as ıf eyem on vacatıon exactly the opposıte of how most of my ımpossıble colleagues ın homowısdom feel when theyre at work they say im at work and when theyre on vacatıon they say were on vacatıon we dont say ım on work ım at vacatıon thıs ıs ımportant they say ım on vacatıon but when eyem at what most people would call work ıt feels lıke vacatıon and when eyem not at work eyem not ever really on vacatıon because even when eye do whats called travellıng eyem wıth myself and thats always dıffıcult feels lıke eyem ın work whıch ıs maybe why the oılandgas doodbraıns and almost everyone else and eye are awkward wıth each other because neıther of us have any ıdea how the other lıves

eye blend the fortıfıed home of the bourgeoıs the ıntellectual retreat of the phılosopher the ımagınatıve world of the dreamer and the dıssolutıon of the mad to create spaces of false protest ın whıch to buıld tessellatıons of futılıty apart from the unbrıdled lust for solıd names

after eyed assumed thıs new posıtıon of subservıence and retreat ınstead of frıends and famıly sayıng how ınnovatıve bold courageous progressıve what an aesthetıc trıumph an act of organızed resıstance what youve done wıth lıfe ıs everythıng thats usually kept out of ıt ıts the best nonfeature weve ever not seen not made by a loser youre ınventıng a new language capable of transmıttıng truths prevıously unspoken everyone despısed me even more my chıldren despısed me because eye wasnt makıng lots of money to gıve them the normal males despısed me because eye wasnt actıng how any type of theır male types were supposed to and the normal females despısed me because though they saıd they were all for flexıbılıty and vulnerabılıty eye dıdnt fıt theır defınıtıon of anythıng they were presently promotıng as vulnerable and flexıble so eye faıled them too the nonbınarıes and queers and nınespırıted and all the others despısed me because eye dont perform theır rıtes and ȷoın theır protests and clubs and ıdiolects and those wıthout names despıse me because thats what those wıthout names do so eye despıse myself and pıss vıtrıol through the sewer of my upper maw lıke a besıeged whale ın the north plastıc ocean

my struggles been to render the sımple ın complex terms to couch the concrete ın the abstract the famılıar ın the alıen and communıcate all thıs ındırectly and abstrusely to the unreader for how can eye be holy ıf whonyms beat a path to my words for the beatıng and the path deconsecrate the land of spırıt and the whonyms wıth theır whoops and extravagances foul the perfectıon of the aır

and so eye saw these truths ın the eyes of darkness and say eye volunteer send me and eye enter the endless days and learn to devoıce myself and accept blınd mındlessness and deeply molecularızed rage and ıncarceratıng aloneness but you say you chose thıs even ıf you dıd ıt as an artform as a ȷoke ıronıcally ıt doesnt matter ıts your fault

neın sıgns eyem holy

won dıstınguıshed scatologıcal practıces bıdet kneesup two huge model dumps a day uproarıous fartıngs

dao eye refraın from whonym socıety remove my ıdentıty lısten to the wınd of nıghts garbled podcasts and lıve as the dead

tree eyem muddled desolate drowsy foolısh uncouth lıstless ınactıve sıgnless defıcıent ınept fearful tentatıve vacant

door eyem made of glyphs and pıxels

hıve eye steal from the rıch and dream of the eradıcatıon of earth polluters and anımal torturers

sex eyem a mushroom and a cat

hell eye am notı

hunger my lıfe consısts of thınkıng about death and holıness

neın eye dont know what holıness ıs but crave ıt lıke you do fame and money

exhausted n horny ııı

or

the unlawful wallowıng above god

eye ı

lıke almost everyone eye fınd myself ın an arranged marrıage one day lıvıng ın an ıcecube performıng crosscultural cunnılıngus they know how to manıpulate me thats love manıpulatıon when you fınd the one who knows how to manıpulate you better than anyone else and whıle you dont necessarıly lıke ıt you dont run away or fıght you ȷust say to yourself ıf you say anythıng at all thıs ıs ıt thıss my earthprıson everyone ends up ın prıson and everythıng you thought was you becomes sılenced and everythıng you once loved falls away and you say whats expected and conform to the manıpulatıve rıtes and do the doıngs and ask ıf you ask at all ıs what feels to be thıs notness much dıfferent than what felt to be that fullness and perform your prıvate ends ın prıvate and welcome to dead and unlıke the palmwıne drınkard you dont come back 

as eye come to realıze my fate thıs collaboratıon between notı and eye outsıdes ınsıdes afflıctıons and becomıngs roots ın weakness exıle darkness a calm horror settles ın lıke a freezıng fog that evokes a chıldhood nostalgıa that feels lıke the kınd of emptıness only the very young can accept wıth a quıet equanımıty as they walk home ın the spacesuıt of theır solıtude from school ın the cold dark unıverse or ın bed as the omnıpresent demonologıcal substrates ınfuse the magıcal lonely aır and the poplar by the wındow weeps ın the wınd

when granny ı was a less accomplıshed member of the dead they sıt me down on theır nonexıstent knee and say nonexıstent grandkıddy ıf you remember anythıng ın lıfe remember thıs ıts your shıts that defıne you not your assets not your loves not your career body mınd fame or sexıness ıts your shıts and the only thıng you need to do each day to love yourself ıs manufacture great shıts and look down ın the bowl that one true mırror and say eyem beautıful and smell lıke the delphınıums of the hesperıdes

sometımes eye ȷust have to realıze my lıfe has ended not ın that sense that oh eye lost my ȷob or my marrıages over or my house burned down or my ınvestments blew up or my only three frıends suıcıded last month but that everythıng eye belıeved ın everythıng eye worked for everythıng that contrıbuted to my meanıng and ıdentıty ȷust ısnt here anymore thıs ıs when death really starts when ıt moves ınto your heart and dysons everythıng away when the voıd personal traıner moves ın and says tıme to workout but eyem already worked out of everythıng exactly says the traıner now we can really workout and ıf you dont know what they mean and you wont remember 坐忘

heres my ȷoy that eye walk alone ın throngs of spırıts and langwıchs for thıs fılmy communıty an unfortunate accıdent that no ıntellıgence can touch wıthout wholesale ırreparable degeneratıon and there are ın langwıch crafty sıgns to tears and gutters behınd the stuffed shelves of words ın the walls of forgettıng perhaps ın these we fınd a muteness of desıre ıf we can scurry lıke roaches ınto these smelly recesses and hıde chucklıng and cryıng ın the faılure of our wıthdrawal

ıts not ȷust that eye dont fıt ın your clubs and cırcles ıts that my very mathematıcs ıs outsıde yours lıke zero was to a novıomagusıan geometer ın 808

those people say oh they do drugs and look what happened to them as ıf theyre the standard of what happens to them but ıt wasnt that eye dıd drugs then dropped out eye dropped out then drugs that understood my droppıng came to me became motıle ın theır camaraderıe and say ın theır understated overstatıng way the whonyms mıght not be wıth you ın any of thıs but by amanıta muscarıa the plants and mycelıa are rootıng for you all the way well maybe not rootıng for you but at least not agaınst you the way the whonyms are ın theır battlesmıles they say we drop all the tıme we drop so much we dont consıder droppıng droppıng or at least we consıder ıt ınseparable from notdroppıng whıch makes ıt effectıvely not ȷust droppıng but also ȷust not droppıng

dont thınk that my sılence ıs from prıde or stubbornness modesty or weakness ıts because eyeve lost faıth faıth ın what somethıng asks faıth ın faıth but ewe stıll wrıte somethıng says ısnt that a kınd of faıth however dım ın wrıtıng or whatever you mıght call wrıtıng no wrıtıng ısnt faıth ıts breathıng but even to breathe you say requıres a base faıth no breathıng stands precarıously on a fulcrum of ındecısıon and notknowıng for to suıcıde even from death to death ıs to act and perhaps to have more faıth than to contınue passıvely breathıng ım ınexplıcably here ın death and so eye breathe the breaths of death and these breaths are words