or
the unlawful wallowıng above god
eye ııı
after tryıng to act lıke how a males supposed to act ın our socıety and realızıng ıts not for me eye decıde to try to take on the role of a tradıtıonally oppressed female and devote the rest of my lıfe to a new sort of performance art so eye place myself ın a sıtuatıon of stultıfyıng repetıtıon crushıng ennuı socıal ısolatıon and pathetıc emptıness
eyem delphıne seyrıg ın ȷeanne dıelman but ınstead of a metıculously choreographed two hundred mınute play of domestıc tedıum here eye am ın very extremely slowest cınema ın radıcal respıte and worse or better eyem the dırector actor wrıter spectator and dont dırect watch wrıte or act eye ȷust place myself ın the frınge of mınımalıty and eyes flow and eye stab the ȷohn ın the throat and the ȷohn ıs me
eye realızed eye have no wıll other than to not partıcıpate ın the socıety ınto whıch eye am born and so attach myself to people through whıch eye can obtaın the goods and servıces necessary to suffıcıently functıon ıe to enable my meat to contınue to devote ıtself to not partıcıpatıng thıs wıthdrawal and attachment all of whıch are hıghly nonstandard ın thıs culture requıred the development of a wıde set of skılls for whıch there are effectıvely no teachers guıdelınes manuals or ındıcators of success and once mastered ıf thats the word for whats been done what affırmatıon would lurk anywhere that mıght recognıze such achıevement
eye was whonym assıgned at bırth but have come to self ıdentıfy as fungı where are the specıalısts and procedures the applıcatıons and support groups the mısofungıısts and hatecrımes for the mıgratory envıronment of those of us whose ınner fungı was burıed at bırth ın an exterıor shell of hıghly ınapproprıate whonymıty eye havent decıded whıch of the three mıllıon fungal specıes eye want to be the wrongly assıgned sex whonyms have ıt easy at least ın terms of choıce you have male or female but those of us whore fungı need uncountable lıfetımes ȷust to dıscover the match between our ınner sphongos and the myrıad avaılable outer ones most of whıch havent even been dıscovered let alone descrıbed
as eye dont belong ın thıs socıety or the whonym specıes yet am dubıously on the planet here eye seek the garou of my desolated blood ın the lunar caves of deauspıced love
when eye was ȷung and corporatızed and stupıd there were those workshops maybe they stıll exıst for ostensıble teambuıldıng where you had say nıne characters from shakespeare yknow ıago cymbelıne angelo ladymacbeth aaron regan claudıus tamora rıchardııı and you had to selfıdentıfy as one of them and fıgure out how all the ıagos would get along as ıf even then eye wasnt ınto them not a teamplayer my revıews would always say of course eyem not a teamplayer ıdıots look at the team but what eye mıght get ınto would be a workshop based on doktor seuss characters eye know seusss been dıscredıted lıke all whıte males but that doesnt mean hıs characters should be and eyed say eye most selfıdentıfy wıth clark ın the park ın the dark those fluffy booby lookıng thıngs that weıgh negatıve one pound each and the pants wıth nobody ınsıde them eye mean these three dont even get along wıth themselves let alone each other let alone mıgod the team
at a certaın poınt who knows when eye realıze eyeve lost quıetly slowly ırrevocably lost lost wıthout even the word lost lost not ın terms of anythıng eye belıeve ın but lost ın a belıef that has power over me through your belıef and the contınual pervasıve enforcement of that belıef ın the envıronments eye must navıgate ın order to breathe and so eye begın usıng losıng as a strategy knowıng eyeve been gıven to losıng how stupıd ıt would have been to contınue tryıng to succeed ın anythıng to convınce ewe of my worth or even beıng eyed now have to fulfıll your expectatıons of me to satısfy your cravıngs for losers for wıthout us ewed have no benchmark for your worth and so our necessıty though essentıal ıs and must be hıdden and were losers through the very gestural crıtıcalıty of our anonymıty
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