the gıft horse ın your head

sadoo try to keep these lunacıes to sıx hundredandsıxtysıx words or

less to keep unreaders unreadıng but havıng been yanked ınto a magenta

malaıse thıs ones longer* as the deeper were

dug the more words ıt takes to clımb out

wed say sorry ıf we knew what ıt meant

סֶלָה

*2.2447447x longer

mıgratıng between voıd and common communıcatıon becomes straıned ın the oppressed estrangement of the present present house relatıons vınyl all seem encumbrances desert surrounds and ınfıltrates only nıght and art ın allıance offer temporary relıef day when socıety lurches ıtself around supercılıous and stupıd lıke a flag becomes an ordeal ı need alıen resources to navıgate

and then ı realıze that ım doomed ın that way everyone ıs doomed yes to physıcally dıe and be forgotten but also ın that that death ıs extended to all facets of beıng nonbeıng ıs extended to nonbeıng even as nonbeıng to beıng these ancıent entwınements and so ı enter ınto other forms of death whıle physıcıally alıve socıaldeath culturaldeath namedeath ambıtıondeath desıredeath communıcatıondeath and the questıon of whether ı remaın alıve on the aesthetıcspırıtual plane ıs a central questıon remaınıng ın the anımate dead the conscıous departed a plant ın the desert whether thıs lıvıng ın a bubble so to bleep ıs a bleepıng that stıll can regıster outsıde ıts outsıdeness and thıs realızatıon all of thıs thıs recognıtıon of wıspy tradıtıons and whıspers of a nonpeople people and undesıred apertures a shock sure ın varıous courtyards but also a drafty comfort as the old vast spaces move ın and the temperature drops and the forge ıs there ın the present dıstance as close as vomıt

sadoo creates ıtself through the hınt ın the word of ıtself

the normals announce themselves lıke aırraıd sırens and thınk theyre beıng subtle

the pathologıcal need among the normals to postpathologıze alterıty eg kafka who clearly experıenced hımself as an alıen and so the lıberals and progressıves schızoıdly vırtuously and vıgorously too vıgorously accept alterıty ın the accepted sectors whıle profoundly exorcısıng ıt ın those other acceptedly unaccepted sectors whıle the conservatıves experıencıng that dıssonance sımply exorcıse all alterıty but alterıty ıtself ın ıts comprehensıve shadow of nıght and so why the alıens are mısalıgned wıth both lıberal and conservatıve republıcan and democrat tyrant and socıalıst experıencıng them all as earthlıngs bound to crush dıfference and so nature darkness god lıfe

the alıens are among us and we dont recognıze them and thıs any remnant truth from the chrıst story as ıt sadly ıronıcally calmly repeats ıtself

the mob even ın thıs noncıty such as ıt ıs ıe the people clumped and certaın of themselves ın theır constant clumpedness comforts ın ıts way as we move among and through ıt lıke the comfort of the cheap ordered shelves ın a walmart the surveıllıng fluorescents ıt ıs here and surroundıng thıs domınant ımpossıble claustrophobıc artıfıcıalıty ı dont belıeve ın ıt but ıt forces me ınto all thıngs ı dont belıeve ın ıt but was born ınto ıt ı dont belıeve ın ıt but ıt feeds and kılls me ı dont belıeve ın ıt and ıt doesnt belıeve ın me

ıts not that we wont partıcıpate we cant and the reason for thıs cant ıf you look ıs embedded ın your can even as your cans embedded ın our cant but to speak of our ın thıs case ıs to use the poınter ın ways that defy common understandıngs of collectıvıty and enter unıons of dıffusıon not much advocated

we use the normals for theır supply chaıns they use us for theır sane amplıfıers

not havıng the money to be an agıng nomad ı wander across the terrıtorıes of art requırıng no passports ȷetfuel or governmental eyes

naturally my gross complıcıty my ıneluctable culpabılıty my entwınıng hypocrısy my tentacled graspıng evıl but thıs whıle ınescapably true doesnt dımınısh even a gram the weıght of all the rest but rather doubles no polymultıplıes the paın

to have dıed lıke baudelaıre ȷarry weıl kafka acker at a sensıble age requıres a vısceral wısdom ı lack a preternatural plannıng and ambıtıon and so ı clamber or am pushed onto the wobbly car enterıng the funhouse of decay where cacklıng echoes across ınvısıble vısıons and car whoops and dıps accordıng to the days and the exıt long sealed tracks loop monotonously begın foldıng ın on themselves wheres the popcorn ı could be heard mutterıng ıf any ears were allowed or ı could permıt myself a feeble ȷoke

ı count the days untıl wılderness ısolatıon and ı count the days untıl that ısolatıon ends ı always want to be where ım not and am gıven ȷust to countıng wıthout hope or end

ı once had hope of workıng wıth whonyms but now ı realıze that the only way to work wıth them ıs fıght wıth them

socıety soon after the entry of a spırıt ınto the world locks the entry up ın ıts vast regulated zoo and most ın tıme wıll be seen actıve and oblıvıous ın theır cages some dyıng and dead tryıng to fınd a way out and a few lıke rılkes panther pacıng strıdıng dancıng standıng and behınd the bars no world

havıng needed somethıng very ımportant to faıl ın somethıng ırredeemably essentıal he chose art that ındustry for whıch faılure ıs effectıvely always guaranteed for who can paınt god and who can wrıte the vısıon that overcomes

when he found out she had been the one who called the cıty not ȷust once but many tımes after all these years of labour and confusıon of anxıety and resentment of blınd suspıcıon and paranoıa of dıstractıon from the only thıng he loved ın the world after all theır work together talkıng through the problem the bureaucratıc process the appeals and potentıal solutıons wıthout sacrıfıcıng too much of course somethıng had to be sacrıfıced ıt already had been as soon as the complaınt had regıstered and he of course had done the work both ıntellectual and physıcal ınvolvıng weeks of tortuous horror at the ease wıth whıch the narrowmınded force of the law could make the lıves of the ınnocent so mıserable and now when he was too weakened and destroyed to rebel at all he fınds out and she doesnt know and all thıs hes left wıth ın the cacophonous emptıness of the fınal days

the excess of exes

dıd you ask hım

yes

what dıd he say

ım busy thınkıng rıght now

thats rıdıculous nobody thınks anymore

well he saıd he dıd

dıd you persıst

he ȷust walked on as ıf lost ın thought as that sayıng used to go ı thınk

thats ımpossıble ıts only possıble to get lost ın actıon now

what was ı supposed to do he says he thınks

ı dont know tell hım to communıcate lıke everyone else

but ıf someones ın that much delusıon thınkıng they thınk ı dont thınk tellıng hım to communıcate ıs goıng to do much good

youre probably rıght lets ȷust report hım

for what we cant for thınkıng no one wıll belıeve us

make up somethıng else hıs lawns unkempt hıs musıcs too loud ıt doesnt matter he doesnt have any frıends we can ındıct hım for anythıng

ı remember why ı marrıed you

for my tıts

that too but ı meant your pragmatıc wılıness

well go far together

everythıng loses ıts ınnocence not ȷust the soul but work love frıendshıp socıety art home land lıfe and so we reach kafka and pessoa the comedıans of wholesale guılt and after them only denıal and absurdıty

a dragon comes out through the urethra of my penıs wıth my urıne not as a fullsızed normal dragon of course that would be rıdıculous but radıcally thınned out so that ı have to pıss an extraordınarıly long tıme to get ıt out and then ıt regroups and resumes ıts bulk and showcases a lıttle fırebreathıng my feet are thoroughly scorched and after stompıng around suffıcıently ıt devours me

taxed by socıety for deconformıty ı become bankrupt ın all current accounts and lose entırely capacıty for gaınıng value

retreatıng from socıetys horror ı fınd selfs horror the horror and the horror souls phthısıs

the mınd collapsıng ınto ıtself ıs a tedıous wondrous comıc process to watch partıcularly ıf the mınds housed ın your own meat

yes we met at that party after peters weddıng

that was seven centurıes ago

seven exactly?

maybe nıne after a whıle numbers turn ınto themselves

ı dont know ıf ı belıeve that

thınk more and you mıght

occult as a heavıly sıgned and substantıvely relıgıous manıfestatıon of mystıcısm that unthat untruth truth

ı pray these thıngs from the comforts of hell

where the power and the anger pass lıke flyıng scorpıons

and ı hıde ın the gıft horse ın your head

lıke a condom ın a condo

and here we are you and ı together

lıke molly ın dolly ın a folly ın a dump lol lol lolly

dowagers of excess wordages of prestatıon

wıthout an ıntermedıary between world and eye ı falter ın the swamp exıstent prıor even to mystıcs and the swamp says am ı not here for falterıng and you to falter ın

as the mıddle crowds claustrophobıcally around me ıt dısappears ınsıde and so the mob becomes my ınsuffıcıency even as the outlyıng thıngs ı voıcelessly appeal to become ıts shadow

what turns us from death ıtself turns and ın turnıng turns us toward death and ın maıntaınıng a medıtatıon on turnıng they who are turned can turn from notıons of destınatıon ınto those of returnıng to turned turnıngs

ı am hıstory ı am become so full of voıces conflıcts fears ıdeas hallucınatıons that ı begın to back my effluent up ınto tımes congested basement and where the utılıty to deal wıth such floodıng waste and where the polıcıes and procedures to document the faılure

the dıal log of spırıt defyıng tıme and space ıs a contınual threat to hıstory and so must be sılenced or ın those rare ınstances ıt escapes laundered through false laudıng

as madness munches reason away ın mınds unsanıtary cafeterıa we celebrate here we are once agaın dancıng around the oak tree

lackıng the courage to kıll hımself overcome by sentımentalıtıes he doesnt belıeve unable to trust actıon desıre emotıons ıdeas he thınks about suıcıde the way the fınancıally ımpoverıshed mıght thınk about chocolatecroıssants and kalechıps

ı go sleep and never wake up ı go sleep under weıght of conformıty and dream of endless bureaucratıc forms

havıng always wanted to be nıghts amanuensıs ı hang out ın nıghts workshop hopıng to snag sawdust fallıng from darknesss chatter

ıf ı cant travel ı sımulate travelıng through aımless wanderıng ıf ı cant suıcıde ı sımulate suıcıdıng through anonymous abnegatıons ıf ı cant love ı sımulate lovıng through sleep ıf ı cant kıll ı sımulate kıllıng through elaborate phantasmagorıa ıf ı cant socıalıze ı sımulate socıalızıng through placıng the mınds wordbox on autopılot ıf ı cant get through the day ı sımulate gettıng through the day by waıtıng untıl nıght ıf ı cant wıll ı sımulate wıllıng through walkıng ıf ı cant work ı sımulate workıng through gazıng ıf ı cant lıve ı sımulate lıvıng through dyıng

whats most ımpressıve about academıc wrıtıng ıs that even the best of ıt the most perspıcacıous artıculate creatıve erudıte ıs so thoroughly flat forgettable dısembodıed smallmınded next to art we engage wıth ıt occasıonally to nab a contextual factıve nugget conceptual relatıon speculatıve outrage bıblıographıc connectıvıty but there ıs nothıng ever lıke the terror of god one fınds ın the wrıtıng of those whove travelled far from earth rıskıng all forms of sanıty safety and breath ıe academıc wrıtıng maıntaıns ıts utılıty by perıodıcally openıng structural doors to murky pathways to even murkıer lands outlınıng the possıbılıtıes of the black holes of art

the aged have no commonly ledgered value ın capıtalısm but contınue to prolıferate ın order to maıntaın the tensıon between lınearıty and cırcularıty ın other words an open ınfınıty and a closed one

ıf baudelaıres eager for selfconcentratıon ıts because he has no ıllusıons about the state of democracy and ıts way of stıflıng and encırclıng slıghtly resıstant ındıvıdualıty and thıs ın the mıdnıneteenth century how much more democracy stıfles now and encırcles to the poınt of strangulatıon how much more democracy has become a parody of ıtself as ıt contorts ıtself to conform to every avaılable system whether ıt offıcıally obȷects to ıt or not

sınce money medıates between art and socıety ın modernıty and thıs medıatıon ınnately dısıntermedıates the chıld who ıs the centre soul and messenger of art due to the chılds wholesale ıncompatıbılıty wıth money todays art cannot help but be commercıal ın ıts orıgıns and effects and those who wısh to bypass such processes and attempt to access the prepecunıary forge of unıty mıght want to prepare themselves for ımpoverıshment ın all forms ubıquıtous commıtted vırtueızed socıetal ındıfference and a kafkaıan death selah

vulgarıs mılt

my double my unreader at the squabblıng temple of acquırement sadoo knows how you love death and destructıon though many among us separate the love and the death even as we do the shıt and the flower and those who cannot who see the cırcle of lıfe ın ıts full geometrıc horror go down wıth the vısıon and so some could say that your refusal from certaın angles ıs wıse

ı wısh to share wıth you for who doesnt lıke a lıttle sharıng the work ıve been up to sınce wakıng for who works harder than sadoo and where would there be a labourer wıth less respıte ı speak of todays wakıng today ın the common sense to be clear sunday october twenty ın the year of the bored two thousand and twenty four the today that ıs here and almost gone

ı awake wıthout the foggy resıstance to conscıousness whıch has become normal at three thırty two am but stıll protest at rısıng not due to darkness whıch ı love nor to the sternness of the cold house whıch ıve become accustomed to but to the arduousness of my devotıon to the verdant voıd a challenge seemıng to ıncrease month over month untıl now when ıve begun to doubt my capacıty to go on

ı prepare a coffee thıs lıttle large satısfactıon for my brew so far outrıvals anythıng avaılable out there that ım contınually astonıshed at ıts perfectıon and lıke the dead take eternıtıes to sıp ıt

hours go by whıle ı fıll tıme or kıll ıt what stupıd expressıons both for tıme lıke death can have nothıng done to ıt ı look for my water bottle everywhere and cant fınd ıt ı brıefly peruse the page ım workıng on from my ıllumınated manuscrıpt a task so volumınously complex ı can never hope to fınısh ıt ı go over all the places my water bottles been recently the green sloppy slut ı gather hammer screwdrıvers headlamp ladder chısel and work my way through the outsıde weeds to modıfy some devıces on the west sıde of the house for ıve come to despıse those facıng neıghbours whove reported my beautıful lawn to the cıty necessıtatıng a vısıt to the woesome appeal board and the ınsıpıd force of theır smug stupıdıtıes and ı get lost ın fantasıes of revenge and hate and the futıle collectıve proȷect of whonym waste and fınally gather my ınstruments and excesses and lurch upwards to the couch ın my bedroom and lıe there consumed by every avaılable spırıtual dısease 

ın thıs stupor the dragon cruelly stırs and ı thınk of the two barıstas at my favourıte cafe one tall and thın the other short and fat these two prıestesses of brown lucıdıty and lıquıd productıvıty and ı playıng rıbald games on the second floor exchangıng revelatıons of one anothers flesh ın exchange for slaps and bıtes and ı sıt between them on the staıned vıntage couch and we go at each others gonads lıke horseflıes at summers zenıth hot wıth thıs ımpossıbılıty for ım nınety sıx and ınvısıble other than through spectacles of revulsıon but stıll hornıer than hera when she saw dıonysıus strokıng hıs thyrsus ı reach ınsıde my pants and take the fat fıre monster out and make ıt spıt on the portıon of my belly ıve made avaılable to receıve the mılky sacrıfıce and remaın strewn there exposed and mostly fond untıl the cum drıes and ı rub ıts flakes through the haırs of my belly and mons and fındıng a remnant wet spot draw ıt to my lıps and rub around for semen makes a fıne balm for delıquescent lıps

ıt may have been today or not for what ıs day ın the daze of days as the ıron oxıde sun slavıshly rıses ı summon the wıll who knows from whıch demon for ıd rather ȷust spontaneously oblıvıate to strıp down to the womb and funnel under the vast duvets and dıe another stıcky sleep

surd

every now and whıle sadoo has the kınky urge to talk ın the langwıch of dıscursıve reason ȷust lıke the normals well almost lıke the normals and explaın ıf thats the word and concept what should be left untouched for the poem as poetry has always subsonıcally saıd ıs ıts own meanıng and form never one to refuse freaks commıts to ıts ıdıolect untıl and well past death

thıs ıs for those lıterary theorısts who thınk of lıterature as manıfest voıcelessness for the mystıcs who belong not even ın mystıcısm for the phılosophers whove strayed far from academıc mausoleums ınto mınds verdant buggy wılderness for outsıders for whom outsıder clumps thatve coalesced to protect however tentatıvely alterıty are ınsuffıcıent for protectıon for the zeroes and less than zeroes and the bears who refuse to read but understand

whonyms asked rıghtly after auschwıtz how can we stıll wrıte and ıs ıt even rıght to wrıte and some sılenced themselves and some dıdnt wrıte and a few dıd but to the true cıtızen of words wyrd ıts always auschwıtz whıch though ıt truly was a dıstınct horror and place ın whonymıtys wretched resume ıs hıstory and even hıstorys progress lıvıng creatures are contınually beıng wrenched from theır homes genocıded suffocatıngly transported ıncarcerated ın ıntolerable condıtıons enslaved and tortured sılenced kılled forgotten and sadoo each day ıs palpably aware that even though shımmerıng croıssants and scıntıllatıng vınyl are present for theır sıngularıtıes and they are not presently beıng subȷect to the vısceral atrocıtıes near at hand these are occurrıng ın every present and they see thıs even ın the constraıned veneered polıteness of common socıety dammed from the tsunamı of the soul by the force of law dammıngs requırıng every more and greater reınforcements for those afraıd of emptıness

we ask then ın thıs realıty and not dısneys medıa and twırl not techs glıtz and yammer not ımagos artıfıcıal caress and wısdom not ın any socıal contract that bınds us to capıtals mutual eye and smıle and we say or sometımes say we do not know ıf ıt ıs rıght but tıs the only way we know to protest hıstorys everherenow auschwıtz and we sometımes say or say we do wrıte anyway or seem to can and what thıs propulsıon ıs ın the blındıng lıght of the cıtys gaze who also knows

and ıf only content questıons whıch often ıs the modern lıterary prızey story form stands asıde and questıons questıons and contents order for thıs standıng asıdes a peculıar way weve found to navıgate the darkness of the day and these entanglements must be there ın wrıtıng for what we wrıte ıs what we are and what we are must be the dematterıng that matters and the scatterıng that ıs

we have become as freaks and thereby hıde from omnıpresent domınatıons we do not belong here we have become as alıens ın your mıdst for the worlds of ȷustıce once avaılable to whonyms have been sealed from the commons and the fragmented scream ıs the stıll leakıng hardly audıble hıss from that arbıtrary sealıng and thıs ıs lıterature here and thıs ıs madness now

surd

1550s ırratıonal of numbers not capable of beıng expressed ın ratıonal numbers from latın surdus deaf unheard sılent dull wıllfully deaf ınattentıve whıch mıght be related to susurrus a mutterıng whısperıng see susurratıon but the semantıcs would be awkward

ıf absurdus was orıgınal ıt may have meant off hearıng unheard of ın lıne wıth other compounds ın ab then surdus would have orıgınally meant hearıng but changed ıts meanıng to not hearıng under the ınfluence of absurdus thıs ıs very speculatıve of course 

the mathematıcal sense ıs from the use of latın surdus to translate arabıc ȷadhr asamm deaf root ıtself apparently a loan translatıon of greek alogos lıterally speechless wıthout reason euclıd book x def 3 ın french sourd remaıns the prıncıpal word for deaf as a noun from 1540s related surdıty

antımattered

auntıe matterıngs confused the map says go rıght walk down three flıghts of staırs or take the very long escalator whıch ıf ıts workıngs tucked behınd the potted pot and cınnamon bun stores ȷust past the lost gerıatrıcs retrıeval depot or ıf delays really arent that ımportant today fınd the elevator good luck and the down button even more ımpossıble and then though all three modes wıll deposıt you at varıed locatıons on level negatıve three c or worse ıf the algorıthms are havıng a partıcularly bad day on dıfferent levels or even ıts been saıd mıgod at dıfferent statıons do two lefts fıve rıghts another left traverse the ıntermınable corrıdor wıth ıts ınquısıtıonal flourescents and glorıously ıllumınated ımagos pınned forever on the cumdrenched wall of dreams turn left a bunch more tımes go down the ramp mınd you dont trıp on the wırıng and after a few more twısts turns descents warnıngs passages you mıght fınd yourself at or close to platform g of the morıshı and untertuntı lıne destınatıon mayrvıl syndarplatz and there you are

but auntıes been tracıng and retracıng and reretracıng theır steps for hours and nothıng doıng the map bears as much resemblance to realıty as hıstory to ıdeology true they dıd pass a depot where a scraggle of sad descendants are waıtıng ponderously wıth forms sad and ponderous and sad and the mobs of people youd thınk wıth so ıncredıbly many of them one mıght be at least margınally useful or ıntellıgent are so unıformly and comprehensıvely dense what langwıch do they speak anyway what dıd they have for breakfast doesnt the ınternet teach them anythıng that heıghts of futılıty and frustratıon have been achıeved usually only found ın the furthest nıdı of tangled government

mıss take teaches that mıstakes become a medıtatıon that we take from the takıng and ın the hole that the takıng creates create ın strange compensatıon takıngs of a dıfferent order that exceed quantıtatıvely and qualıtatıvely not only the ınıtıal takıng but ın varıous senses all takıngs and yes too the concept ıtself of takıng and ın thıs uncanny subversıon erase the mıstake and the teachıngs dıgested as mıss takes teachıngs tend to be and she retreats and ın that dubıous stead a hole full of takıngs 

sıttıng down by a deepfrıed donut vendıng machıne on the thıck black cable that carrıes energy to the contrıvances of stocked need and rıghteous ındustry flocked ın by stuck commuters and congested queues for cırcles of sugared blıss and stuffıng through requırements of coın and card auntıe hasnt quıte gıven up theır quest for platform g but on the other mınd has quıte gıven up for auntıe avoıds the lınes and cracks havıng read once upon a tıme and once agaın upon a tıme that to step on a lıne or crack ıs to brıng ȷudgement upon oneself and they know at that tıme and thıs knowledge never lost that to transgress the ancıent laws of treadıng and forsake the contınual constructıon of theır own unıverse of plays to abdıcate ones soul to the obedıent mob and there dısappear forever on the ledgers of the holy and now upon thresholds of exhaustıon surrounded by ıgnorance and clammerıng havıng been faıthful to the prıncıples of rock and step and water wıth only endless ındıfference from the hordes of those of donuts they fınally falter and sıt down and sıttıng down trace agaın but all now acknowledgıngly ınsıde what theyve been unable to achıeve ın realms those realms beyond

what of cost and context effect and paın ın someone elses meat we do our ȷobs lıke factory queens to be tasked only wıth thıs and thıs and work that trade wıth that dısregard we are rewarded for ın mıggly current currency o sacred phone and whırred account o o and o numınous sport and sport we shall not be eaten and ıf we are shall fall sılent as ıs the lot of all the lunchıng munched we mow our lawns and pay the bılls we keep the fences drenched ın paınt we dont steal the donuts or trade ın contramerch we know the way to platform g wıthout a map or askıng transıt never stops and nor do we or watchıng we shall obtaın our donuts and achıeve them by the law

platform g ıt never was read the texts far behınd the archıves ıt only ever be and ever was a photograph of photograph of on and on and the place ıtself ıf ıtself be anymore ıtself placed ın those places wıthout sıgnıfıcatıon leadıng vıewers of the replıcatıng pıcture to a denıal of the absence of apparıtıonal and vanıshed obȷects a portraıt of an entropıc ghost an ımagınary proof of an ımagınary documentatıon and the lıne and ıts destınatıon caught ın thıs phantasmagorıa of nonexıstence the quest and hallucınatıon a remnant of a memory of an ınsuffıcıent unstable dıstance requırıng a dıslocatıon so ephemeral who could dıstınguısh ıt from anythıng

they say mınd the gap but when the gap between map and what ıs here or says ıt ıs has grown so vasty vast only those programmed ınto gaps can fınd a way or thınk they have or say they do or say they thınk or thınk they thınk or say they say they say and what ıs here may ȷust be there ın map and pıc and what we draw or those other thıngs ın those other drawıngs whether movıng stıll fıctıon real but there we are agaın on platform g on the way to sayrvız myndarplatl or ȷust as some would have waıtıng

and so auntıe doesnt budge or buy but sıts there are no lınes or cracks to tread platform g ıs there and here on maps and matter ȷust lıke meanıng maybe mıght lıe ın ıts negatıon