debt avowings 十四

 

so weve established in our outsider skullarship that in the big inning theres the meatscape or meatspace or meatverse which contrasts with the pataverse and this is the new gnosticism   evrythng cums round   so u go pata or u go meat   meat isnt meta its meat  not a meetup but a meatpu ie meatpoo   of course theres no big inning only infinite teenyweeny ones like polkadot bee keenies   i once dated a dispolkadotted bee keenie and they were keen as screams lemme telu  keen as lemons on a russian rollercoaster  keen as poutine jizzin on a ewe crane  goto urban dick shun airy and look it up  lick it all up

lemme speak like yesu in patables there was once a mamaw called mcurinal and it flushed like a big whack & stuffed the meatverse in its mamaw like a fryer and if it jizzed less than pooteen aint that just becuz it didnt and fried its frying in a tent called heyzoo and here we blow round again

heyzoo weeps

its dark as noon isnt it now and the sun hangs like pappardelle across an inexplicably horny earth and the aminals swag on the avenue of zeroes and the blood of love breaks the damned   where are the rivers my darling gnarling whys their song not on apple in eden   eyeeye say the rivers dying dying those whonyms love killing love killing killing and breathing is ending and musics dead

eye confess that night rises like an eagle on discluded horizons and eyes close like oceans on the unnamed

babies are enigmatically intent on something we adults cant fathom in our mature ignorance

i read skullarship when i need the fictions of order & reason

i read journalism when i need the fictions of order & unreason   

i read literature when i need the fictions of disorder and reason

i read mysticism when i need the fictions of disorder and unreason

a too ordered and irrational system

when the light of a summersolstice fullmoon rising in the south

enters the recesses of the cave of sıtėoppo

the desert rats rise from their monasteries and

battle the rats from the lake on the

parallelepipedic plains of dōlhēdōnōn

see violence  how it cycles through the temple like a coconut offered to grimacing gods with inoperable limbs flailing down the secret stairwells of disillusion  it flows greater than the hacked amazon through the polluted unnavigable lands of the whonym soul   the people straw and dogs picnic in its banks and copulate with temporary immunity  blood bubbles n love  addiction in pars and barties   just another movie   i dont belong   were contaminated all of us  reel like shot kangaroos from one figure to another   moral satisfaction denied

whonym
to bathe in violence to cleanse themself of themself

violence in justice  violence in mercy  violence in violence  violence in sacrifice  violence in ambition  violence in retreat  violence in meditation  violence in eating  violence in family  violence in creation  violence in silence  violence in langwich  violence in love      abysses open like glyphs in the soft curves of words

what shall we gather dear miners together

what shall we rescue from the sad womb of the earth

i crave my lovers infidelities   being too weak to engage in them myself i nevertheless need the adventure  however vicarious  they provide  and i cant be with her unless i convince myself she clandestinely copulates with crude strangers at the top landing of dirty staircases a floor or two above the roadhouse din of drinking boors   unworthy of love i enervate in the buzzing stupor of swamps and count the hours like jello

everybody wants to be a dictator or a middleclass housespouse or both but for the few of us who cant decide  well  we live in some limbo of the apophaticarchs running an anarchic lampadephoria without lights or track

eye confess to being a practising whonym but not a believing one  the first by necessity  the second also by necessity but of a different sort  i intend on writing anatomy of necessity thatll make burton look like a haikuist and an amoeba of taxonomy

the worlds overcharged with death and i move in it like a ghoul with an aptitude for fasting

the sun drizzles its warm apathy across the soulful and soulless alike and the citys streets are named kafka céline mishima krasznahorkai dickinson bishop weil sexton carrington acker lispector zürn tutuola cortázar macedonio songling chuangtzu and wraithliteratori hoard the intersections debating wittily obscure relations of the crossroad they find themselves say kierkegaard ave and sappho blvd  perhaps pessoa lane juts nonchalantly at the side  vehicles honk and scream and some brandish crowbars to wale against these violators of progress and disturbers of war but to no avail   the phantasma are protected by a law that stands outside the rule of clubs and knives and the sun drizzles down and the city is my heart

confıtėrı coven

let us pray

not for we believe in god

or prayer or praying but as

a necessary act of

righteous war on the

eternal battlefield of the

dead self

most dearie dearest dearie dear

we have alienated and been alienated and have been alienating and are alienating and alienated and have been alienated and are those who alienate and those whove been alienated and none others  alienators all of us in alienations of alienation      wed ask dearier dearest dearie dear that all this would stop or at least diminish except were not entirely delusional and see no way how except through delusion that we as we are could be anything but what we are and what with all the endless ripoff programs and gurus and pills that say we can be other than what we are but weve met the whonyms whove been through those programs and slept with those gurus and swallowed those pills and they aint any different than the rest of us though they say they are but as we all know saying and doing are two different things so drearier dearest dearier dear were not asking for anything and we dont even believe in you or us for that matter so there

um      amen

i confess to not just wanting a factless autobiography but an autobiographicalless autobiography   this is the story of that quest

my life  though i dont know what my or life or i is  is  and neither is is known  being actively deroticized by something  probably life   derotic is pronounced dur rot ick with the accent on the second syllable   it means de erotic or finding eroticism through eroticisms absence   its an art   most try to find one thing through the same thing   money through money   love through love   work work   sex through sex   but this is stoopid   always go through the backdoor   as every mystic worth its nothing knows you dont find god in god but notgod   not art in art but notart   not death in death but notdeath

ive long short medium and very long covid   i know because before covid smeared earth with its pandemic jelly i had already had every member of the herpes family   mouthherpes gonadherpes monoherpes poxherpes shinglesherpes eyeherpes soulherpes hangnailherpes anusherpes and covid loves herpes  the more herpes it finds the more it loves   so when covid first enters me in the himalayan foothills it says weve found some meat most hospitable to our inklings   and when it enters me a second time in stixvil they say why did we just vacation in this meatverse two suns ago let us set up shop and call it home and never leave   and covid mingles with the herpespace so that any remnant i in the meatscape drains away and all i am is covid and herpes  this hovid cerpes and i am no more

all i remember from working in the academy are violence and lust   when i left i had learned that knowledge is sex and abuse and all that peerreviewed shit is like the bulk of vatican gold   a weight to counter and detract from the true function of the institution         for the serialized inprogress novella based on a true story of unbelievable survival in academic hell see elspet clitias child of curse school      you wont believe your gonads!!

स्वीकार गर्दैs बाह्र

 

i confess to knowing now theres nothing sadder than writing and to begin writing is to embark on a oneway journey of sadness   to find oneself alone in an ocean without map or name

and also to not knowing this knowing which doubles the immeasurable sadness and returns it with smirks & bonuses

the thing has potential if it only knew how to use it

it would have a future if only it would enter time

it doesnt know how to dominate thus can only be dominated and runs from domination to domination like a rabbit

and calls itself trickster to avoid complete disintegration

youre neither here nor there  in nor out  dead or alive

not a mobster but a mopester

a mopestar tinkling in desolate night

tinkledown spirituality

how is this confessing

it all   it alls confessing

all shall be hell and all shall be hell and all manner of thing shall be hell

hooligan of langwich

the great pisswick

the bot thickens as dickwick macabre crosses the cystic stage

denials the only game in town

i may not understand what you say but ill defend to your death my right to deny it

see you later dysodile

in a while propagator

in the big inning lilith decreated the beethovens and the zombies

the only thing distinguishing artificial intelligence from whonyms is the latters capacity to pun

that punny and money are nymhematological cousins is a kinship devoutly to be shuffld

i confess to being or seeming or becoming or not a succourless succotash suffering sucker riding in an abuse caboose to doktor sooss zoozoo

whonyms are naturally artificial intelligence so theres no artificial intelligence outside the whonym other than in the fact that intelligence always exists outside

im a tricksters whos been tricked into a ghostly ghastliness   a wick whos lost its kerosene a brick without hay click without a mouse lick without a lollipop prick without a pocket schtick

i barely know how to converse transactionally in society anymore   ive withdrawn so much that when eg i go for a useless hearing test that work insanely requires i have to reach into historical scripts to be able to know how to respond to the fatuous tester what the appropriate grimaces are to show in reply to his wretched jokes   they ask have you been exposed to noise in the last 24 hours   of course ive been exposed to noise you discarded offal   i feel like a vegancookie in a munitions factory

as a colleague says all thats left to do is scream

confesiones elven

the modern relationships a boondoggle of necessity  an exuberance of futility   the more were in a relationship the less we are   its the compatibility of our mutual dysfunctions that continue dragging things into the concretized future

im a tricksters whos run out of track and so can only play tricks on itself   a rabbit without any lettuce  a magician in its own hat  a shaman exiled from night  a synecdoche lacking parts and wholes  a hole without orifice and an ocean without water  a signless language and a soundless music and a guileless art  a joke without a punch and a punch without alcohol   wherere my hops says the rabbit as it falls through potions with neither enchantment nor amelioration   an it without a substance and a scape without escape  a warren without enclosure or reserve

think it was a rue so who says as its crossing the border yes men are evil but man is good   yet to continue in the same old gendervein man is evil but men  well some  are good  or at least not as wholly and consistently evil as others   yet      yet         yet

homeopathys stupid in its commonly understood literal meaning but as a spiritual principle  alchemical  like on like  its the only way      i avoid losing my mind  eg destructive madness  through losing my mind  eg writing walking

have i told you i like absinthe   cliches  while superficially tedious  can contain hidden within themselves låttès øf trüth   so here we tread in the waters of absence and ask the hed rerring icken and chegg question which came first  absenth or absince?   lets apply the ancientfuture science of nymhematology to this conundrum   the first term  which is absinthe when its not here  contains within it sense of a sort and zen of a different sort   the second  which is absent absence  contains within in quite clearly sin and less clearly sinth or synth rousing all the possibilities the y or why offering gifts us      so we see the commons is abse  which is the vocative singular of absus or unoccupied  having no tenancy  so homeless and empty   while the uncommons sense combined with nonsense contrasted with asense   in summary a great deal   what wed like to point out on this occasion  leaving the vast spiritometallurgical riches to another time  is that absinthe  most truly wormwood raised to the power of divine inebriation  is liquid apophaticism and the elixir of the apophatic  and so  for anyone who knows about knowing  the green well of god

so heres the chart of everything

practical suicides more likely in any of the five decay decades  which is more than half of life which isnt bad   the horizontal baby decades are about learning and consciousnessbuilding   the horizontal prime decades are about consolidation vitality and consciousnessinplace   the horizontal decay decades are about shockecstasy and consciousnessfragments   postninety and prezerozero things loop polydirectionally   migrating as weve said from 60 to 60s a move from primedecay to decaybaby  what an op  eg   and many other relationships which we explicate in great detail for your edification and financial growth in the selfpublished book how to dominate while saying youre not along with webinars and sexual services all available of course for extra wallops of fees   we shouldve been a harharbored business life guru principal consultant or an elan musth we shouldve

langwichs the sandwich of sighlents twixt 二 slighces of sosighiety

坦白s base

 

were writing a transcript of a tryalog among poutine peelingam and bidet   real or imagined its hard to tell like everything thats read written dreamt lived and most of what we think   incomprehensible futile pedantic irrelevant arcane pompous misanthropic misinformed deranged   but its important  and for this we shall release it to the galactic nothingness *********

loves euphemized stockholmsyndrome   were held hostage by our feelings then become enamoured of and possessed by them   its not only troo whonyms cant handle too much trooth   we cant handle our hearts or minds or that great fury we systematically try to kill and randomly spasmodically minutely nurture         langwich

my cat  who isnt my cat  has died spiritually from having no other cats to play with   you know those whonyms who withdraw from whonym society  despicable though it is  and surround themselves only with cats or gerbils or mice or roaches   look at what happens to them   its no different with a cat  especially if the cat only interacts with only one other whonym   its like the proverbial two entities on a desert island   everyone becomes mad   of course this is more or less the same as whats happened generally in whonym society   weve isolated ourselves from nature and animals   our pets now are just whonyms in animal form   and so we only have ourselves to play with and are completely collectively nuts  which we dont see because weve withdrawn from anything that might tell us this      its not quite the same as how my cats gone nuts because im saying my cats gone nuts because it doesnt have any of its own kind to play with   my points diversity   we need our own kind and other kinds   my cats nuts because it doesnt have its own kind   whonyms are nuts because they only have their own kind   so its more or less the same

i used to be a lecturer then briefly a prof in communications   i left for the same reason i left the church   i didnt believe in it anymore   weve explained this in biological and communication air   let me give you an example 

i move from babylon to stixvil   stixvils beautiful but stixy   its got all the pros and cons of stixiness   the whonyms are weird in particular ways which makes them lovable and detestable simultaneously   even the best whonyms are lovable and detestable simultaneously but theres a particular config in stixity and you know what im talking about   anyway some lovable detestable best whonym got rid of my vynyl collection a few years ago   its costing me thousands of dollars i dont have to begin replacing it   im ocd about it   funding it by pretending to be a gyaru on the internet   men are pretty gross   anyhoo   i go the local stixvil record store and say hey i lost my vynyl collection and here are 60 titles id like i like to support local business though really i dont give a fuck and what can you do for me  they say we can get 28 of your titles and herere the prices  i say go for it doodaramas  then the first two come in and theyre 50% more than the quoted prices  i dont realize this till i get home and flip an email saying politely wtf  they reply with some streamofconsciousness bs and i realize theyre run by the mafia or are corrupt or incompent or all three   anyhoo this is really boring but im going to tell you anyway cuz im totally psycho about this shit so then i find out it could take years to get these titles and after the managers agreed to give me a 10% discount i realize its meaningless because theyre going to set the prices at whatever they do and i have no idea of what their markup is so fuck everything   so in summary they dont tell me their prices are meaningless they dont tell me times wholly unreliable & they dont tell me their discounts a farce  you say well its your fault dumbass   and were back to the story of the hitted and the hitter and the arden of geden and love and everything really & sorta and this is why communications an article of faith and believing in its no different than believing some incorporeal omniscent omnipresent omnipotent eternal benevolent yeahright entity knocked up some whonym female to manufacture the saviour of the world   save the world‽ yesu christou we cant save anything other than money and even that i cant

who are u in yr penitentiary of language & outhouse of mind to think anything of me other than im a rabbit of indeterminate colour hopping in a patch of absent rutabagas singing atonal progymnasmata to charters of nonexistence

*********

preamble

to wetzen the appetitus

its the twelfth of yorrowyore and supreme world leaders poutine peelingam & bidet are meeting at an undisclosed location in zoomania   as each cant understand the others accursed languages there are  considering the historic and desperate nature of these talks  twelve translators   one chinese to english  one english to russian  one russian to chinese  one chinese to russian  one russian to english  one english to chinese  and six backups      while this transcript is only in english  transcripts are also available exclusively in russian and exclusively in chinese   the original manuscript in all three languages as it was apparently actually spoken has been absconded      interpol has actively opened a criminal investigation and the worlds best minds and leading experts have been assigned

we have  for the purpose of privacy  assigned the codes of swl1 swl2 swl3 to the three supreme world leaders though not in any direct specific or even singular fashion  likewise  as the translators mutterings have occasionally improprietously and even unethically worked their way into the transcript for these weve used t1 t2 and so on through t12  again without explicit or singular assignment   finally  though scholars and journalists cant agree on source identity method  various voices not clearly belonging to any of the aforementioned 15 seem to now and then invade the proceedings  or the transcript  the relationship at timess unclear  and these  despite broad savage disputes  are labeled o1 o2 and so on until there are no more   though the unreader should be aware that  due to certain weakened methodologies of detection privacy epistemology    designations  relationships between designation and citation  citations themselves  may not as reliably conform to various standards posited among those who continue to  however inevidentially or tenuously  advocate forms of truth  though the word itself is troubled beyond repair  more replete forms of knowledge often seem to decry

confessings nicht

 

today im going to pick up my cat in its meowmobile   were going to meow around itti bitti and its heads gonna swivel 360° and it looks as if its a psychedelic cat gif in the international space station   its not really my cat anymore   whonyms say that about cats  its a joke  we belong to the cats not the cats to us   haha  but its not that sense i mean   i mean that koo-shQa  lets call it that  the name of all cats and the intimation of feline divinity  that name all cats recognize when you say it to them  the symcatico in their eyes  the yinyang of scratch and baast of patacomms   mirrored an i or some is in this i when it lived with eye in my carousel in babylon   free to roam and die it was a meow among the people and a meteorology to the masses   floating onto my lap it was a lazuli of the soul and an irritant unto pearls   but now  comfortably incarcerated in treats and coddles with none of its kind to induce it into the eros of felidae and its meow and lustre are lost

confessingss not just calloohar but a biocollage  a mashup of life which itselfs a mashup so a mashup of a mashup  its mashups all the way up  this concept was first introduced as biothanatohagiography in sadoo metrohoras work the autoapotheosis of ı      first‽!!   theres no first   thiss whats wrong with the world  its immaturity   any species still thinking one exists other than as a necessary fiction should be eradicated from dimensionality      no stream of consciousness but streamings

sadoo?! whats a sadoo   well were gathered here together in the temple of boomboom at the sadoo schlub in the żłób lounge for that very papoose   thanks for coming and bringing your gonads   you can think of sadoo as calloohar cast through an anarchic series of infinite prisms set in the incoherent mind of an apophatic star and calloohar as sadoo cast the same but in aschimophobic reverse   the more you confess the more youll understand this through the cosmic gift of notunderstanding

ive learned to masturbate without fantasizing  at least without fantasizing about anything sexual   i now think about letters and phonemes in shifting freeform geometric play   i get so aroused by these dmt apparitions associating with each other with original abandon my cock makes the amerikan steel industry look like playdoh and i cum so hard it arcs over my bellybutton and sometimes  if things tessellate  approaches the far suburbs of my nipples   this is meditating and masturbating simultaneously  mediturbating mastitating   this is the fyoochur  sex wo organs  sex wo sex  cumyums of langwich

in the oz scars last yorrow some famed whonym male hits another famed whonym male   everyone in the world  well except a lot of people and most of the nonpeople except a few incredulous cats  watch it the next day   most comments praise the hitted and diss the hitter in virtuous virtuosity as the people  well except some of the people and who knows about the nonpeople  do     we see many hypocrisies but well list three and you do the rest as were tired of doing all the work 4 u

won      the hitter  while rich and famous  does maintain an unconventional relationship  well unconventional for those narrowminded gobbies whore less creative than a smartphone  and the great conformist mass exercises its legal right to godgiven moral superiority at every possible occasion at least while waking   think of how tiresome this gets for those who are slightly but quite legitimately deviant

doo      the virtuousers love of violence  not simply through their obsessions with such actions  the news generally  but their  which is to say our and yours and mine  laundered participation in direct acts of incarceration suffering torture murder   of countless other living creatures whonyms and nonwhonyms alike  embedded into societys intransigent conventions 

tree      the hitter did provide a moment the people want  moments  they receive an opportunity to promote their charlatan righteousness and speak their mind   and for generosity they criticize the hitter‽   bread and circuses  circuses and bread  bircuses and cread  at least the people got irkuses

that the protagonists are called rock and will just shows again

what all the wits know

that some lugubrious comedians writing the script

and were all the butt of the groke

fnlly  an authentic cinematic moment  thx2all

зізнаючисьс сім or вісім

 

the easter bunny at the mall   the parents want to bring the kids  its cute and fun  but the kids see through the ruse and are terrified at this monstrous rabbit that doesnt look like anything  they cling to their mothers skirts as if shewhobroughtthechild to this hallucinogenic wasteland could ever understand the rooted legitimacy of their dread   its not as if the bunnyll physically kill the child right there in the hypercolourful fenced throneroom of plasticized eggs & flora  this lollipop phantasmagoria of berserk power and representation   even the child in some sphere knows this  but that the eared one  this warped sign of resurrection  embodies the insanity of the adult world which the child will one day all too soon have to assume as an inescapable order

i confess to not knowing whether my abiding obsession with literature and madness is a delusional regression  a psyche twisted in on itself from the accumulation of loss and selfabsorptive even autistic orientations  or a courageous protest against the pervasive inequities of society and its consumptive obsessions with itself and destruction   or‽ neither and not & so much more

in utah or nebraska or dakota  somewhere in those regions beyond  on the third sunday in november  whonym males gather for the worlds annual semen shooting contest   hosted by hank q onrop its a veritable draw for the indolent zealous and curious alike from miles around and with technology being what it is these days you can even view it online and thousands do   males take out their members  red and yellow big and small they all come out and all manner of meats dancing in lewd undress around to stimulate the bold contestants toward that bliss of ithyphallicism thats aspired to   while in the distant past stories of dubious repute abound of those days from threefingered toothless witherings of 60 inchers jizzing so hard the sequioa sempervirens grew an extra 100 metres that year  distance was judged using the ancient method of chalk and nepotism but now with lasers and yoctametres and whatnot all debates shoved into parallel realms and thats what the internets for other than porn and money of course   its meat without the meat ie meta but in montana its just the meat   the phallic warriors have 13 minutes from when the fat lady cums to shoot   the rules are simple  no mechanical aids  cant cross the line till after youve shot  friends and lovers are welcome to visibly be in the audience to encourage their favourite penis to build its velocity and trajectory as forcibly as possible with whatever gyrations and acts they deem efficacious   drug testing is disallowed so you can have whatever substances you want in your meat as long as you behave legally   you say well exposing erect penises at a country fair let alone jacking off in front of everyone sure isnt legal   well this is idaho so fuckoff   the unbroken record was set in 1945 by richard u rytas  tied in 2001 by his son richard u rytas junior and again in 2022 miraculously also by richard u rytas senior   at approximately 9.42477 metres that was a sensation lemme tell you and not just because he shacked up with the 1999 torrington homecoming queen and died during his impregnation of her and they both had to be brought by bird to cheyenne regional to get him out   made the frontpage of the post and the queens or i guess its exqueens quote i never came so many times or so hard as when his dead dick was up me in that bird and i know something like thatll never happen again but at least theres a kid coming and itll have some god help us that its a boy pretty fine potential had to sadly be censored from the official versions