beleaguerment geometry

i understand now  the mumbling woman with the shopping cart and many coats in the parking lot with her pigeon friends and the wind  maybe  that i glanced at from the tram nonchalantly with no explicit mockery and a whack of assumptions   perhaps i understand  now  the man on the parkbench staring at nothing   watching death pass him by  or life  hard to tell which is which when youre on the bench i now understand though im unsure  even since ive crossed the border and am a person now of coats and benches  i dont think i much understand understanding and the presents like an unopenable gift  sitting there under the dying tree with times other concealments   now i stand or sit or lie it doesnt really matter and watch the people who glance and somewhere in their actiony businesses are infinities of little assumptions   which might be right who knows someofthem  its not that all i do is watch and mumble and put on coats and take them off   its not as if im not actiony   i slice mushrooms too and shit and close the curtains   its not as if im not comprised of a yottagoogolzillion flighty assumptions   even my perhapsing and maybeing and whoknowsing   my doubt which i proudly fly as some freedom is just another ponderosity and if crossing as that hiemal netminder says has made all the difference or indifference whoknows  its a difference or indifference of just this paragraph or also or not all the glancings and watchings and puttingons and takingoffs and notunwrappings and notknowings and understandings as brief as pigeons

the accumulation of selves   little different than the shedding of selves  for each sheddings an accumulating  transmogrifies the self into these accumulations of indistinguishabilities   and so i become a shadow of weights   a wraith of what im not   an apophatic multiplication   a wealth of negations   and how do i manage these assets but through some anarchy of words

after my carefully curated vinyl collection was accidentally thrown out by sloppy Messy Strapaleaze & fiends ive taken  after a vacation in prolonged grief disorder  it up to begin building something vaguely worthy again  two thousand dollars and heaps of frustration confusion anger time into the task  with all the horror religiosity vinyls now packaged in  almost incapacitating me playing the things considering my increased knowledge of what hypocrisies and virtued meanness distort the grooved radicality  i receive the idea from the cryptobank of ideas to take this vinyl project  go nuts on it  order endlessly from discogs  rare first pressings from tehran and atlantis  go bankrupt  build up a huge and excellent collection   then never listen to it   be so consumed by its hip jacketed presence and the horror of procuring its presence and the loss and stupidity and hate that precipitated it that its factive physicality is sufficient and its sonic manifestation  its ostensible purpose  becomes not just redundant but offensive      go further   destroy   destroy it all   burn the records on a night of witches by titty witty   destruction redux   but one that i have built in order to destroy      i      this singular arching architect of death that we somehow impossibly live within   thisthat act of religious futility   a consummation and finality of unspent beauty