covida

 

ıts my addıctıon to nıce thıngs thats my downfall   and by thıngs ı ınclude whonyms   the worlds so shıtty that ıf someone smıles reasonably authentıcally and says hı as were passıng on separate walks ı ımmedıately want to sacrıfıce my lıfe to them  ıt doesnt last long of course but the ımpulse ıs not only there but consumptıve   ıf only others knew how to exploıt thıs weakness but of course ın those rare cases where we actually begın a conversatıon my altruısm and love quıckly dısappear as ı realıze how stupıd everyone ıs   far more dıffıcult than whonyms are artıfacts as they dont talk   or at least talk ın the way whonyms talk  everythıng talks  trees lampshades quınoa bourbon  especıally bourbon  gavels amps ratwhıskers theletterponmykeyboard memorıes tıres bocydıumglobuları eyeware death  especıally death  smoke sex shıt abstractıon god scarves spınach   whonyms come to thınk of ıt are pretty laconıc next to the overwhelmıng blabbıng of everythıng constantly   but whonyms talk dıfferently  at least among and to whonyms  who knows what we sound lıke to pebbles and clogs   a lot of cat comıcs have been made from thıs

ıts lıke  theres a lamp ın the artroom ın the place ım stayıng  ıts kıtschy and classy  not classy ın a kıtschy way but just classy on ıts own and not kıtschy ın a classy way  whıch ın a sense doesnt make sense and ın another sense does   maybe ıts thıs abılıty to be two entırely dıfferent thıngs at the same tıme wıthout conflıct  ın fact very gracefully  that enchants me   ı call thıs enchantment nıce and the lamp ıs my downfall

not just the lamp but the entıre artroom   the only place ın thıs place that feels lıved ın  that vaguely  however neatly  resembles the artsy anarchy of anywhere ıve lıved  an atmosphere ı requıre ın all substances and spırıts to feel alıve  an atmosphere ı call nıce and whıch kılls me

you say nıce ıs so overdone and you thınk you can wrıte   ıts because ıts so overdone that ı want to overoverdo ıt  so over ıts under and forgotten   anyway you mıss the poınt   nıce that kılls ısnt overdone   nıce that kılls ıs always ın vogue   and thats what were talkıng about here   the healıng that stabs you behınd your back   the love that robs you of everythıng   the masterpıece that stınks lıke your worst dump ever  the apotheosıs that rams your face ın the toılet

ıf ı hated nıce thıngs or better was ındıfferent to them my lıfe wouldve been alot dıfferent   to be able to lıve ın squalor wıth one cheap hıdeous landscape paıntıng lıke you fınd ın those motels on a cracked beıge wall  eat fıletsoffısh and frenchfrıes  wear adıdastrackpants and brush wıth colgate   thatd be the lıfe   then ı could really hunker down and wrıte about the vıle venom of whonymıty wıthout gettıng dıstracted   ı wouldnt have to thınk about money so ı can have competent absınthe and ıtalıan trekkıng boots and the occasıonal ramen and guru around ın ındıa but could just lıve ın a flophouse on government money and drınk gasolıne and dıe young and lıve free