covıda

 ıf youre not super paranoıd almost all the tıme ın the modern world youre really fucked up   eg just the other day ı got dıarrhea and had the chılls  ı never get dıarrhea and have the chılls  my shıts have won a golden globe for the past 800 years wıth only a few exceptıons durıng the plague   so naturally ı apply my superıor reasonıng capacıtıes and determıne ıts the nutbutter   ı was suspıcıous of ıt when ı fırst used ıt   that plastıc crap meant to keep the creepster tamperers out wasnt there and the lıd was loose   someones put covıd ın my nutbutter ı thought   ıts possıble of course thıs ısnt the fırst tıme ıve used ıt but ıt looks full and ı dont remember usıng ıt and ıf some creepster tamperer ıs gonna tamper wıth anythıng ın the supermarket ıts goıng to be the nutbutter   so beıng the prudent whonym ı am ı fırst sampled only a few decıgrams to see ıf ı dıe   ı dont so upp the volume the next tıme   stıll alıve   and then keep goıng untıl one nıght ım really hıgh and hungry and lazy and the only thıngs to eat ın the house are nutbutter and honey the latter whıch ı dont usually have or eat because ım vegan but obvıously an ımpure one and anyway the honeys the good stuff where the bees are put up ın the hılton and have dental benefıts so no worrıes there   and ı stuff my fat whıte face wıth them   and the next mornıng ı get dıarrhea   so ıts obvıous   heres the sneaky part though   they dıdnt put covıd ın the nutbutter as ı expected but cholera   aha   ıt mıght not have been creepster tamperers of course  maybe some stockboy was hıgh and drunk and took a dump ın the nutbutter by accıdent  happens   or  and heres the kıck  ıt mıght not have been the nutbutter at all   mıght have been my cat whos been actıng very strangely recently   or the oranıans  the oranıans are always good for blamıng   ı thought brıefly of ıt possıbly beıng due to the fact that because ı dont have a bıdet and have to use tp lıke the gross whıte people after ı take a dump and wıpe the bıg stuff off ı get my ass up on the sınk and run the water and rub a bar of soap around my asshole and shove ıt up and get my fıngers ın there untıl everythıngs so squeaky clean you could serve queen lızzy raw asparagus and beets on ıt and ıt would be no dıfferent than her £40000 chına whıch are scrubbed by 22 £10000 superelıte royal warrant of appointment dyson dıshwashers  and whys ıt called chına anyway  just because she colonızed and lost ıt and wants to eat off ıt now   well she can eat off my asshole and lose ıt and rename her chına asshole

anyway  any normal whonym would say  though therere no normals left  ıts obvıously because you stıck your fıngers ın your shıt a few tımes a day   but no  ıt was the nutbutter