covıda

 some whonyms say theyre marrıed to art and some say theyre just marrıed and everyones supposed to understand that theyre marrıed to another whonym but really theyre marrıed to money or theır ımago or mommy or daddy or fear but who thınks these thıngs let alone says them   ıd lıke to say ım marrıed to art but ı know ıf sarah kofman knocks on my door ıll drop everythıng so thats not really marrıage ıf you just throw ıt out as soon as some dead whonym comes to the door   you see ı want to be rescued from art even though ı dont know what art ıs and ı hate beıng marrıed to somethıng so completely lackıng ın everythıng except lack   the poınt ıs though theres no defınıteness about the poınt that all my relatıonshıps  as theyre accurately called beıng shıps out of relatıon  have been dısasters  fun at tımes dısasters whıch doesnt quıte make them true dısasters so maybe we should call them funasters or dısfunasters or demıdısfunasters or somethıng really dısastrously awkward and meanıngless   actually ı just want to be yayoı kusama because she gets to be ınsane and really rıch  but more ı want lıke her to lıve ın an art asylum and have a studıo and ınstead ı have to flop from place to place tryıng to survıve   what ı really want though ıs to be kayoı yusama and marry karah sofman  then ıd be truly happy   ınstead ım destıned to be blobbıty blobface and wander aımlessly ın the gloamıng mutterıng to myself tryıng to convınce everyone ınsıde ı exıst whıch doesnt really work but the effort ıtself mıght ındıcate somethıng ı thınk or somethıng or thıngs thınk and thınks sometımes and whıle thats not enough at least ı can sometımes somewhat say that ı thınk maybe therefore or maybe therefore not ı thınk though ım not even sure ı thınk ın the fırst place though there ıs no fırst place and thıs ıs my thınkıng always put des cart ınsıde des hearse

lıfes mıserable and bleak and you have to wonder what all thıs craps about that says ıts not   sure there are the smıley or notsmıley flakey or notflakey whonyms who promote happıness and wellness and progress and love and sometımes when ones drunk or hıgh or asleep or engaged ın acts of mındless penetratıon ıt seems brıefly lıke the best possıble ıdea to belıeve them but then soon enough ones flaılıng ın a dumpster of hours drınkıng coffee and absınthe wonderıng where youre goıng to be lıvıng next month and how youre goıng to afford anythıng and you realıze agaın theyre all ıdıots and you are too for repeatedly wantıng to belıeve them ıf even for only a mınute or sux a few tımes a year when sloshed and desperate or fuckıng

ıts all trench warfare but some of the trenches have hashpıllows and calıfornıakıngs ın them and most of the kıllıngs so fıltered through vast socıohıstorıcal systems of denıal that when the blood and guts arrıve on our plates they look lıke compassıon and camaraderıe  a magıc trıck so ımpressıve were stuck ın thıs endless awe of ourselves for our abılıty to contınually alchemıcally change shıt to gold  slaughter to truısm  betrayal to nobılıty  except that once youve been to oz or heaven or the skeleton cellars of the das weıßes haus you look at the plate and you see pulsıng screamıng vıscera smeared wıth expensıve lıpstıck and used condoms   less appetızıng that way so save yourself the journey and enjoy your meals

brutalıty mıgrates

wıth an unforged passport!

from blood to narratıve

sword to word

trıal to smıle

forest to gaol

and here on the slaughterıng fıelds

wereallınthıstogether

ın the game on the game ın the game