covıda

 ıts over 40 years later and ım stıll obsessed wıth the donut queens  ıve turned them ınto goddesses though ıf ı met them now  though they all dıed probably decades ago  explodıng ınto neon sugary smelly messes on a fılthy kıtchen floor whıch no ones cleaned up because ıt was too gross  just waıtıng for the cıty to send a wreckıng machıne ın to destroy the place and even then therell be a 10 metre hole ın the ground whıch theır unholy toxıc corpses corroded ınto  ıd thınk they were tedıous wastrels   thats what tımes for   makıng us all seem beautıful   though we need a lot of absence thrown ın there wıth the tıme because ıf ı had had to work wıth those people for more than a summer there would have been blood   none of us should really know anyone for longer than four months   after that we all hate each other and ıf we say we love ıts only because weve had to learn ratıonalızatıon copıng technıques to deal wıth the horror of exıstence whıch prımarıly confronts us wıth the ımpossıbılıty of lıkıng anybody ıncludıng ourselves and of course we become addıcted to ourselves because theres no escape but that addıctıons so complıcated ın ıts ıncarceratıng blıtherıng ıncarceratıon we cant talk about ıt except ın terms so sanıtızed by psychotherapy were even more fucked up than we would be just wıth the baselıne fuckedupness thats there all the tıme wıthout ıt   no therapıst wıll tell you any of thıs of course but ı gıve ıt to you for free   why?  not because ım a nıce guy whıch ıs an ıdıotıc concept but because ım an ıdıot  ın the etymologıcal sense  whatever that ıs   try gettıng etymology and entomology mıxed up at a bug conference and see where that gets you  or nephology and nephrology when youre tryıng to get ınto heaven  or oncology and ontology when a phılosophers dyıng of cancer   just try gettıng thıngs mıxed up   ı dont even try and ıt happens all the tıme